YOU KNOW! THE ONE WITH THE TRUMPETS!

Though it's conspicuously absent from either the Bzangy or White Town websites, Jyoti Mishra is making his first live appearance in about a hundred years this evening.

If you want to attend, you're really going to have to rush, cos it's in Gothenburg (that's in Sweden!) at Cosy Den. You'll be needing transport to Stansted Airport and two wings and a prayer to get a cheap Ryanair flight at this time.

Going with him are Bigg Rich from Mascot Fight/You Slut! (guitars and drooling) and Robbie from Plans and Apologies (sound and rubbing lustily against unsuspecting Scandanavians).

Of course, both are there in a purely professional capacity, and the fact that Robbie pointed me in the direction of these photos on the Cosy Den website three weeks ago is mere coincidence.

Cosy 'Dirty' Den : Run, Scandoes, Run!

DERBY MUSIC NEWS

There are old punks, new punks and some other punks down at The Victoria Inn tonight (not sure entry is possible through the front doors anymore due to the human chain that surrounds the building day and night. Take your own trampette, vault the protestors and gain entrance by smashing through one of the upstairs windows. Pass Micky's office and it's downstairs and back through the bar).

In order to see:

The Vibrators (Old Punks!)
The Atoms (New Punks!)
and Verbal Warning (Punks of Indeterminate Age!)*

£5 admission. Punk's not dead and punk's not FREE, either.

* - not actual running order, The Atoms are on first, but I couldn't really work with it that way around.

OH DEAR, OH DEAR, OH DEERHOOF.

In light of the fact that the below thing down there below (see below) concerns a matter from 40 years ago, I felt the need to redress the balance and offer you up something shiny, new and modern. Couldn't find anything shiny, so have a look at the modern and new video for 'Wrong Time Capsule' by Deerhoof.

Somewhere between The Beatles animated work and Monty Python Show titles, it's making some kind of point about American currency, finance or capitalism, but I really can't work out what it is. Can you?

It's pretty good, though.

WHO KILLED CHRISTOPHER ROBIN?

I remember there being talk of a film about the life of Rolling Stones founder Brian Jones well over a decade ago. So either this isn't the same movie, or that's one fastidious director that's been working on Stoned : The Wild and Wicked World of Brian Jones. Presumably released to commemorate the 36th anniversary of his passing the film is in Cinemas on November 18th. Closest one to me? Nottingham. Thanks for that.

Being of the unfortunate disposition whereby I know everything there is to know about Brian Jones*, I've had to spend the last hour looking at the trailer and all of the clips on the (horrifically overdone) website in order to find inaccuracies in the thing. There are a few I spotted, so obviously I'm feeling all smug and clever now.

Judging by the trailer, it's got a Doors-movie-gone-Britflick feel to it. So Britflick in fact that even Paddy Considine is in it, which all means I'll probably come away disappointed. Those of you who haven't wasted your time reading numerous lengthy tomes about the subject matter may enjoy it, however.

David Walliams plays a character called 'Speccy'. For once he's wearing male clothing and at no point in the trailer did he exclaim "ooh-oooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, but I'm a LAWYER!"

Inexplicably, the film features music from Alabama 3, briefly famous for 'Ain't Goin' to Goa'. Because no character in the history of music says comedy countrified preacherman hip-hop MORE than Brian Jones, do they?

* - except, obviously, who was holding his head down in the swimming pool at A.A.Milne's old house in 1969.

HALLELUJAH!

Finally Rufus Wainwright has done something new for me to blather on about!

He's releasing the albums 'Want One' and 'Want Two' as a double CD pack on November 28th and he's sticking some extra stuff on there too.

It might have somthing to do with these tour dates that coincide:

London Hammersmith Apollo (November 29)
Brighton Dome (30)
Manchester Apollo (December 2)
Sheffield City Hall (3)
Bristol Colston Hall (5)
Birmingham Symphony Hall (6)
Newcastle Sage (7)
Norwich UEA (8)
Glasgow Clyde Auditorium (10)
Preston Guildhall (11)

For tickets, go on eBay and pay about three or four times their face value. Good luck!

Rufus Wainwright : I would, and

I'm not even in the gays. He is tho'.

Cheer up, the gays!

LONDON WOMEN'S THINGS

Due to further, albeit imagined, pressure from that Holly Johnson (not THAT Holly Johnson) I'm forced to write about the You're So Old Street night a day early.

In conjunction with Must Destroy Music they're holding a Halloween party (early, just like everyone else this year. If any of my friends are reading this I *am* available to 'remember, remember, the 3rd of November' next week) on Friday 28th October.

Print : Flyer

Do dress up 'cos Gail, Holly and Sarah (the YSOS types) are all very excited about the costumes. I've been banned from going in my traditional minimalist Halloween attire. Sadly, my other idea of wearing Army fatigues and a balaclava isn't all that advisable in the centre of London while the cops are still a bit shooty.

IT'S WOMEN'S THINGS.

It's been a bit blokecentric here recently so I thought I'd draw attention to any subconscious misogyny and exacerbate the matter by giving special treatment to our friends, those ladies of the female persuasion. Y'know - as though they need help existing.

Patti Smith is re-releasing 'Horses' with an extra disc of the same album played live in it's entirety. November 8th, apparently.

If you don't already own it, obviously, shame on you and all that - you've had thirty years to get hold of a copy. My advice to those who aren't really bothered (like me) about the live album tagged onto it to hoof the price up a bit is that you should go and buy the remaining copies of the single album NOW before the shops hide them. I'm sure you can get it for about £7-8 or so.

In grrrrl news, Sleater-Kinney have had to cancel their European tour in November as "Carrie Brownstein has had two extreme allergic reactions recently, both causing trips to the ER" and "Her doctor has advised that she not travel/tour for prolonged periods of time until the condition stabilizes and further tests are conducted."

Which actually sounds serious and makes the joke I was going to do about one of the symptoms being that it made her voice sound all wobbly even more insensitive. Though I think I've got the wrong singer.

As for Derby Women's Things - I got an email yesterday to tell me that Meandervent are playing at The Flowerpot on Sunday as part of The Sunday Club gig there. Running order and times:

Public Display Of Affection 10.00-10.30
Transit Cop 9.15-9.45
MEANDERVENT 8.30-9.00
Daddy Rough 7.45-8.15
Easy Green 7.00-7.30

Admission is £4 or £3 with a flyer. £2 in a nice new dress to cheer you up. £1 with a flutter of the eyelashes or a saucy wink.

HUNTING FOR BABYTEETH.

Derby's Hunting for Teeth night is three today. Awww.

Get yourself to Susumi on The Wardwick and give it cards and presents. It's upstairs, but if you're feeling peckish nip into the downstairs bit first and get AUTHENTIC Japanese food cooked by a GENUINE Ghurka who HONESTLY thinks there's still a war on. That said, I'm not sure if Susumi still do food, nor am I convinced that Ghurkas are Japanese.

Anyways, upstairs admission is £3, and you shall get for your money:

Johnny Domino - Superb GOOD Art Rock. Traces of The Fall.

Dr Coca Cola McDonald's - Moo from Twinkie's deranged & as-yet-unprosecuted comedy turn. Traces of undiagnosed mental illness.

The Pop Pirates - (it says here) "Zombie personas, the songs of Grease and Saturday night fever played on old organs, chanters, penny whistles, ukeleles and other ridiculous musical paraphenalia and probably some improv along the way". Traces of someone's side-project.

There's the offer of £2 admission if you turn up as a Zombie. Which is all well and good, but I wouldn't in that part of the City, four days before it ACTUALLY is Halloween.

YOU HAVE MAEL.

In order for everyone to recover from the mauling that 'This Town Ain't Big Enough For Both of Us' received recently at the hands of Justin Hawkins' British Whale, I'm giving you the opportunity to hear the MP3 of a new Sparks tune by clicking here.

Called 'Waterproof', it's splendidly catchy and stupid. Lyrically, it's vintage Sparks. If you have no knowledge of Ron and Russ Mael's work at all you could do much worse than to beg, steal download or borrow the album 'Kimono My House'.

Sparks : Looking Now Then.

WORLD CUP 2006 RUINED EVEN BEFORE SQUAD ANNOUNCEMENT.

Do you think I could get some sort of abbreviation/acronym for the line 'this taken from No Rock n Roll Fun blog'?

THE WOMAD CUP
Interesting choice of director for the World Cup entertainments - FIFA have invited Peter Gabriel to organise the opening ceremony.

Ominously, Gabriel promises "some crazy ideas." That's the best argument for avoiding the first match we can think of.

For anyone too young/cautious to remember, Genesis was one of Peter's other crazy ideas. Not the first book of the old testament, or non-dancing 80s hitmakers fronted by Phil Collins, but the version of Genesis that did this sort of thing.

Peter Gabriel : Barry Mooncult

I like the one where the steam train goes through his head.

THINK I'LL KILL MY RADIO.

This is a curious new thingy. Pandora, presumably the radio box of all evils, invites you to enter the name of a band or a song and then starts a radio station based on that. Very last.fm, I know, but I didn't have to sign up for this and then play it loads of songs while we got to know each other. That's aural foreplay in anyone's book.

Unfortunately it's only free for 10 hours, after which it costs $36 per year or £20.21 as i type (yadda yadda yadda, subject to change, you WILL lose your home). This being the internet though, someone's sure to come along, comprehensively rip it off, cover it in adverts and then make it free of charge.

It's good that it will find you songs you've never heard, but disconcerting that in theory you won't hear anything outside of your comfortable little niche. That said, I used The Smiths as one of my starting points and it didn't take long to turn me on to ZZ Top and Lenny Kravitz album tracks. I think the engine might be French.

Fun to play with, though. Thanks to Ralph for alerting me to it.

ANY EXCUSE IS FINE BY ME.

Pitchfork have an article up tracing the history of indie-pop (yeah, I know, very this time last year...), it's origins in UK punk and the thinking that it in fact, as a reaction to all things safety pinned and mohican-ed, it was as revolutionary and honest as punk's original impetus.

Best of all, though, is that finally one of these pieces acknowledges that The Television Personalities in fact invented all of it single-handedly, are just the best, have won the 'music' competition and we can all go home now, children.

Daniel Treacy : Figuring out what
to invent next.

THIS IS JUST TOO EASY TWO.

Chris Martin from Coldplay is going to have a crack at writing lyrics. Not that he previously had someone else write them for him in an Elton John, Brian Wilson fashion. He's always done them, only now he's promised to start to actually try with them.

Just one thing, Chris - how do you expect anyone to notice when they're not really listening?

I INVENTED THAT. I'M LIKE MARK E SMITH.

Seems the 'leaked internet tracks' conspiracy theory bandwagon that I deludedly like to think that I started a few days ago is picking up quite some speed. Over at Think Tank/Leafhouse they were ripping me off a full two days before I thought to mention it myself.

They raise a good point that it becomes even more obvious once the tunes start to filter out with modern attention-span regularity that there might be the whiff of the marketing campaign about it all. Even if you disagree, you can still go there to download songs by The Strokes, Surfjan Stevens and The New Pornographers. Can't lose really, can you?

So, on the one-hand we've got the RIAA campaigning for the death penalty for illegal filesharers whilst the record labels may only be too happy to leak entire albums in advance of their commercial release? Is the theory that it's going to be stolen anyway so they might as well benefit from it somehow? Hmmm. For the first time in history there's a marketing meeting I'd actually like to attend.

If you wanted my advice, I'd suggest downloading these albums in their entirety and keeping them out of your P2P shared folders. Maybe go and buy the albums that you really like. Burn the others to CD. If you can be arsed.

Thanks, Napster : I remember you
when you were still naughty.

JET BOY STOLE MY BABY!

You're in real luck if you somehow manage to combine being in any of these places on these dates and actually being me:
27 Oct. Ft. Lauderdale, FL - Culture Room
28 Oct. Orlando, FL - House Of Blues
29 Oct. New Orleans, LA - Voodoo Music Festival
30 Oct. Memphis, TN - Voodoo Music Festival

as you have the chance to see the early screenings of the movie New York Doll, according to Pitchfork. Focusing, surprisingly, on the life of Dolls Bass player Arthur 'Killer' Kane it promises to be by turns brilliant, yet tragically sad. Much like the band then.

I, by contrast, can expect to finally see it at The Metro Cinema, Green Lane, Derby sometime towards the end of 2007.

But at least the news of it's existence gives me an excuse to put up a picture of the glorious, glorious Dolls. I don't know who's more shameless, them or me.

New York Dolls (l-r) : David, Johnny,

Syl, Jerry, Arthur.

And because OBVIOUSLY we need BOTH line-ups, right? :

Arthur, Billy, David, Syl, Johnny.

I feel much better now.

THIS IS JUST TOO EASY.

It's not that it's real news - it's just that by now you think he'd know better. Thom Yorke echoes the sentiments of everyone, everywhere:

Radiohead singer Thom Yorke has given an update on their new album - and joked that sessions are going so badly the band are "washed up".

Do go on...

He said: "It is the end of our two week session. We're splitting up its all shit. We're washed up. Finished."

And only several years after the thought occured to the rest of us as well...

And there were moments that stick in my head when I went 'TUNE!'
'TUNE!'"

Presumably, the quote got cut off before he could complete it. My money's on "WHERE THE FUCK IS THE TUNE?".

Then he has to go and spoil it all by admitting that he's 'joking'.

INEVITABLE PREMIERSHIP GOALKEEPER JOKE AHEAD.

You can download the Jens Lekman song 'A Sweet Summer's Night on Hammer Hill' in MP3 format here. See if you can get all the way through without wanting to join in singing 'Heatwave' by Martha Reeves and the Vandellas.

I've had a look for the MP3 of 'Black Cab' that caused all that fuss in 2004, but predictably enough, it's no longer there.

Anyway, it was a tough decision whether to go for a Swedish-Stephen-Merritt jibe and try to phoneticise it into some kind of Chef-off-The-Muppets thing or run with the oldest joke in the world:

Jens Lekman

Jens Lehmann.

Thankyou so much.

SLOW WEEK FOR RICHARD BACON...

The Arctic Monkeys new single 'I bet tha looks smashing down t'disco' or whatever it's called has somehow managed to go straight in at number ONE in the proper, long-trousered pop charts. Early reports that there's been some kind of mix-up with the barcodes can't yet be confirmed.

Even more implausible is that it outsold the new McFly single, which managed a paltry nuber three placing. McFly can be found this evening kicking their manager's arse all the way round Hyde Park.

That singer bloke has gone on record as saying "Bye 'eck, I'm chuffed".

EDIT : And do you know, their album has been leaked onto the internet. Now whoever could have done that...?

I've got the link, but I won't put it up here. Is there a single word that means 'In the interests of legality and good taste'?

SONG FOR YOGI AND BOO-BOO.

Nearly. I'm sure that's what it's about, mind.

Though now defunct and sadly missed The Removals have a new MP3 of the song 'Park Ranger' on their MySpace page. One of their most loved tunes, this shiny new version is all ace and anthemic.

I imagine this is all going on in anticipation of the forthcoming collection of all their recordings n stuff on Broken Promise Records which is due soon? Now? In a bit? I'd ask Pat Promise, but the likelihood of him knowing...

Draper Removal : Just a little
bit messed up here.