THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS GIFT FOR THE TEUTONIC SHOWROOM DUMMY IN YOUR LIFE.

That's the longest title I've ever used. Naturally, I'm fairly proud.

Kraftwerk. Live DVD. Box Set. December 6th. Here. Boom Tschak.

Kraftwerk

PORTIONS FOR RABBITS

Jenny Lewis from out of Rilo Kiley is releasing her first solo album 'Rabbit Fur Coat' in January next year.

And like all frontpersons branching out and making a go of it on her own she's even denying that this means that Rilo Kiley are splitting up. Although, in this instance, I really don't think they're splitting up.

"Rilo Kiley are not splitting up", Lewis will have said to someone at some point when they raised the subject.

The eagle-eyed amongst you will have noticed if you've clicked on that link, that you can take the opportunity to watch Rilo Kiley's 'Portions for Foxes' video from that page. Which is always worth doing. And a Death Cab for Cutie one, and a Bright Eyes one. Less so.

Rilo Kiley : Bloke, Jenny Lewis in her undercrackers,
Bloke, Bloke.

SERVERS IN RUSSIA.

I've just added the Domino Rally MP3 Blog to my links. The work of the Johnny Domino gentlemen, it hosts all manner of what in the trade is known as 'stuff' in MP3 format.

Well worth clicking on and having a nosey as Steve Domino is a veritable fountain. Not of pop music or knowledge or anything, just a veritable fountain. Even if me and him don't exactly see eye-to-eye on transistor versus valve guitar amplifier policy.

FINGER ON THE... WAIT, THERE'S NO PULSE!

Not to be outdone by Rupert Murdoch and Universal, Warner Music is blazing a trail and launching an 'e-Label' *stifles laughter*.

So, as an aspiring artist, instead of promoting your own work on the world wide superhighway and reaping all of the rewards, you could put your trust in the hands of a lumbering entertainments giant and receive approximately one-tenth of what you would have got otherwise. After they've fiddled the books, that is.

You might want to sign over your publishing and merchandising rights too. And cut them in for a generous percentage of your live revenue. Don't forget to register your name in their name. It makes sense, cos in return they'll.

DO 'YOU FALL'!*

Nutcase pop monkeys Plans and Apologies have only gone and put their entire first album 'Torn out Pages from the Middle Agez' in a dinky little zip file and whacked it online for you to download for nothing.

Obviously, technically this means that you can burn yourself a copy to CD without the first three songs distorting like they did on the album proper (Robbie? Miikhul? Anything? Confessions, anyone?).

You should take them up on this offer, as it's such a pearler of an album. Though they all but disown it now, weirdly. Contrary bastids.

Like they say, if you do nab it and find it enjoyable buy them a nice present or something. They like novelty pencil cases and Norwegian pornography.

Plans and Apologies : When they were little,
and indeed, recording 'Torn out Pages...'

* - I shout this at EVERY P&A gig I attend. Dave P&A really, really laughs.

I <3 RETROGRESSION

Normally the words 'Frank Black announces...' result in me breaking out in a cold sweat and reading no further, but just this once I faced my fears head on to discover that he's amongst those contributing to an album of classic songs from 'classic' teen movies.

In a less than curious quirk of fate there's someone else on there covering 'Wave of Mutilation' by his old new band.

Perhaps more worth looking forward to is John Strohm (from out of the Blake Babies) doing a version of 'Somebody's Baby' by Jackson Browne. Which of course grants me the opportunity to post a picture of The Blake Babies.

Blake Babies : Left - Juliana Hatfield, never had her t--t feeled*.

* - That's right. With a drummer called Freda Boner, I go for a joke about Juliana Hatfield's surname.

THAT WAS SUCH A JAMES THING TO DO.

Just when I thought this was the slowest week for music since cavemen were going around beating stretched animal hides with those clubs that all cavemen have in cartoons your whole world gets thrown on it's head and FMB reform.

FMB* were one of the subjects of what was perhaps the first reality TV music programme 'Next Big Thing'. As it turned out, they were entirely laughable and a resounding failure. Of course, nowadays reality telly programme makers have honed the formula to a fine art.

I actually saw FMB at The Wherehouse in Derby solely on the grounds that I had to go to see what their gigs were like. If they do tour again, I'm going to see them then as well. For precisely the same reasons.

I can't help but feeling, though, that someone ought to take Roger Griffiths to one side and point out that as a musician that's come into money it's his duty to actually leave his band and tell them what he really thinks of them. He's the first one in history to reform his old outfit.

The Fraggle revival starts here.

* - Debate failed to rage across the country at the time as to whether FMB stood for Fuck My Boots or Fucking Monkey Bollocks. We may yet find out. Smashing.

THAT'S THE SALAD DAYS OVER THEN...

The RIAA have finally managed to shut down and claim hefty damages from file-sharing network Grokster. Millions of musicians worldwide are eagerly anticipating a hefty payout of the damages being claimed in their name as I type. Oh, hang on...

And without wishing to put ideas into the RIAA's collective heads - why aren't they going after P2P networks and torrent services that people actually use? It's almost as if they have absolutely no fucking idea what they're doing, but I'm sure that can't be the case.

I imagine that the file-sharers have probably all sold their computers and are going to take a couple of months to think about the errors of their ways in the wake of this ruling. I suppose there's an outside chance that someone might just invent a new one and everything will carry on like it did before. Only faster.

It seems unlikely though.

The RIAA office : A celebratory mood tonight.

DERBY MUSIC NEWS

THREE! COUNT THEM! THREE new albums were released by Derby's own aggro noisemonkey label Fight Me yesterday (November 7th). They're in Reveal Records in Derby and HMV shops around the country, I reckons.

they are:

You Judas 'Discover Mutiny' (fightme002)
The Swarm 'Red Paint on the Odessa Steps' (fightme003)
Fixit Kid 'The Easy Way Out' (fightme004)

all the above are listed in order of artist/title. It's so hard to know for sure in these days of stupid emo band names, don't you think?

Anyways, rush out and ask for them by name. Or catalogue number.

IF YOU GOT A GOOD ANGLE YOU COULD DO IT WITH ONE BULLET.

The bloke from The Killers has sang a song
on stage with the bloke from U2 and the other three blokes from U2.

It was a U2 song and although not one of the famous ones the bloke from The Killers really likes it cos it's his favourite song ever assembled under demographically approved factory conditions by the blokes from U2.

Later on the bird from Mary J Blige got onstage with the blokes from U2 and they played 'One' by U2.

THEN - U2's Tour Manager got onstage and they sort of sang happy birthday to him by performing 'All Because of You' by U2.

After that, the entire audience were rushed to hospital suffering from prolonged exposure to lack of shame.