FIRE IN THE GATES OF HELL

It suddenly becomes clear. That old bloke's shed oil depot massive petrol station that went up in Hemel Hempstead last weekend - regrettable accident? Ambitious arsonist? Clumsy fucker?

Nope. The horrendous pollution, destruction and asthmatics keeling over can all quite easily be forgiven. It was all for our own good. Obviously, it was a nice try, but it's not that simple - he's been able to hire some more stuff. You have to imagine that he contacts the hire companies under an assumed name otherwise they'd go "Pianos? Baby Grand? Hmm... let me have a look... No, sorry - we're clean out of ALL pianos. When will we have some back in? Oooh, erm.... at the earliest I'd say... never".

The whole thing could now get very messy with the insurance companies though, I reckon. It's clearly an act of God.

GAWD BLESS 'IM, HE DOES A WUNNERFUL JOB...

Many thanks to Casino Avenue for this one. Truly, it is priceless.

It's only Garry Bushell's MySpace page! For those unfamiliar with him, Wikipedia has this.

I was, naturally, intrigued to see how far he could get into his profile without getting a little misty about the empire though it should have been obvious, 'cos he only managed to hold off up until the question of location. "London, England, Great Britain
United Kingdom" his fingers gulped, choking back the twitches.

It's unclear as to whether he then necked a handful of French Blues, shouted "Bellboy!", jumped on his moped and drove it at speed off a cliff.

Garry Bluto : To Be Honest,
I nicked that from Viz Comic.

JENS LEKMAN GOES BONKERS, CANCELS EVERYTHING

I know, I know, that title *ought* to read 'BLAH BLAH BLAH SOMETHING ABOUT A GOALKEEPER', but I can't be arsed.

Neither, it seems, can Swedish pop superhero Jens Lekman, though in this instance he's been carrying around a bit too much Kryptonite. And he's got a big tear in his cape. And the analogy is not holding up very well at all...

He's shelved his second album and he's going to get a job answering phones or something. Pitchfork said so.

Obviously, it's bad news if you were looking forward to another album from him, but in a weird, roundabout kind of way, it's actually good news, cos it's great when popstars go a bit loopy. That's when they become REALLY interesting.

Now for a picture of Syd Barrett.

Syd Barrett : Went Wappy, Was Brilliant.