DERBY MUSIC NEWS

The Five Lamps on Duffield Road is where ALL the cool kidz (and a fair showing of sad old blokes) are going tonight.

Plans and Apologies (of giving away entire album fame earlier this week) are supported by Dave and Jamie from Plans and Apologies. And a DJ set afterwards by Hands Solo (onanism joke here).

It's £2 to get in and whatever you do, don't order a pint of that new Kronenbourg Blanc beer with the fancy masthead thingy. It's about £3.50 a pop and it tastes like someone's poured a Bacardi Breezer into your lovely pint of normal lager.

THE WOMAN, NOT THE BAND! *

Human car-crash Courtney Love's nearly ready to inflict another album on the world, and this time all of the song titles sound like user names on MySpace.

It's really not looking promising, 'cos two of her current favourites are Kings of Leon and The Duke Spirit. It's funny, you'd presume that someone who'd married Kurt Cobain might be able to spot the genuine article quite easily, wouldn't you?

If you were to throw your wet laundry into Kurt's grave right now, it'd have 'em dry in a couple of minutes.

* - Does anybody but me actually remember Courtney Love the band?

Courtney Love, the band :
Uncrushworthy sleeve. Proves nothing.

DERBY MUSIC NEWS

Arses! I've only just realised I've got to go to the Vic tonight to see Gold Blade. I've not seen John Robb for oooh... 7 years now since my old band toured with "The 'Blade" as nobody calls them. I bet he has no idea who I am. Brilliant.

All together now, Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack Elvis! They do still do Black Elvis, don't they? It's only been seven years. God.

Anyway, it's a fiver.

DERBY MUSIC NEWS

Go to The Mist on Normanton Road for the first time in six months like the rest of us for an intimate audience with Mascot Fight, Constanza and Biba tonight. Free Admission, as far as I can remember.

Constanza are Leigh Dawber from Mexico 86 and Chris from Mexico 86 (again, I think). Chris achieved legendary status around these parts when he once punched the singer from The Zutons. I'm not condoning violence but if, as happened to Chris, the singer from The Zutons is giving you hassle on a night out in Liverpool with your mates about YOUR BAND (he came up with The Zutons!) then the right thing to do is to punch him.

Biba are Matt and James, of which Matt also plays in Mascot Fight. Pete, formerly of Mascot Fight, is back for one night only playing in Mascot Fight. Again.

Derby's like London in that respect. It's just so big, that you never really get to know anyone...

WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST, SORT OF, LIVE TOGETHER, AS ONE? FOR A WEEKEND.

Well I never saw that coming. Donovan Donondra Devendra Banhart is curating All Tomorrow's Parties next year. Which presumably means he'll be choosing the pictures to have framed and hung up in the chalets, cos that's what curating means to me...

Not that Dev's staying in any chalet. He's got his own teepee that he plans to pitch in an overgrown field near whichever Maplins site it's being thrown at. Not that he'll sleep, he'll spend the wee small hours roaming the rough coastal terrain with his pet Mountain Lion, Craig.

Confirmed so far are Mudhoney, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Devendra Banhart (nepotism), Ween, Sleater-Kinney, The Shins and Ruth Madoc.

Devendra can't hear you, Hi-De-Hi...

TELEVISION PERSONALITIES ON TELEVISION VIDEO.

Some kind soul has put the recent Swedish Television Personalities documentary up on this internet. You'll need RealPlayer to view it.

It's in Swedish for the first three minutes, which is fine if you can speak Swedish. My stats tell me that that's one of you. Well, at least one of you that lives in Sweden. It's no guarantee that you speak Swedish. Skal!

Daniel Treacy seems a bit fragile in the documentary, to be honest. But it's interesting viewing, nevertheless. Providing you like the TVPs. Which I do.

YOU FEAR THE JAZZ.

My pal Dan has started his own Jazz Transcription blog. He works out really difficult jazz solos (I presume they're classic pieces or solos or something, I know sod all about jazz) and writes them down so that you can have a crack at playing them.

I printed off and checked a couple of them, and they're precise. Then I tried holding the sheets up different ways and playing it. And it still sounded the same so it's definitely authentic jazz.

I'm going to transcribe John Cage's 4 minutes 33 seconds for him later on. As a favour, like.

A cat being strangled, earlier

DERBY MUSIC NEWS

Quick! Run! I'm posting this up WELL late..

Bar Vida tonight is the venue for an act 'loved by Peel' - John, not Emma...

PERSIL- Fuzzy electro-pop from Amsterdam.

supported by

DEATH OF ARTISTS/ BOY NUTKO

£2 All proceeds to Ponce In The Park 2006.

I can't think of ANY jokes based around a band called Persil raising money for a festival largely attended by the great unwashed.

Next week at Vida: Crack Cops supported by Tramp Repeller.

NO! REALLY! I PREFER IT TO THE GOOD VERSION.

Bob Dylan's been knocking about in his loft and underneath the picture of Woody Guthrie where his appearance ages and becomes more vicious looking he's unearthed some old recordings that before now were so inconsequential to him, he didn't even know where they were.

Fools, completists and completist fools can download them as of today (November 14th). One of the songs on offer is a live recording of Mr Tambourine Man. Without the Byrds on it. So... for the same effect nip down the main street of where you live with a recordable minidisc player. Stop at the busker. Press record. Leave recording device in pocket of thick coat.

SOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES

New York City's very own Television Personalities fanatics The Baskervilles have put their first video up on the intervest for your viewing pleasure. Go see, and be surprised that the band actually appear to be having fun in it, as opposed to walking moodily down the street/beach in the rain and looking mortally upset about something unspecified. The neck of these people, honestly. Enjoying their time in a band? What *are* they thinking?

The Baskervilles : Stop that.

NO NEWS DAY.

Things are seriously slow. Bono's done nothing worth mocking, Pete Doherty's not been up to any of his cheeky pranks and there's no news on The Arctic Monkeys' chart position.

But you all downloaded the Plans and Apologies free album thingy the other day, didn't you? Didn't you?

Now read the story of how it came to be...

P&A : Cool as Ice Cream.

YOU'VE GOT TO KNOCK THREE TIMES IF YOU WANT TO SEE A SECRET GIG...

Short of providing a car to get me to the venue these secret gigs by The Strokes couldn't be any less of a secret could they?

Who thinks this crap up? Well, obviously, their publicist thinks this crap up - what I mean is WHY do they think this crap up? Does the average Strokes fan really think 'I'm not going to see them on the next tour, unless of course the band pretend they don't want me to be there'? Do they?

Feel suitably appalled that The Strokes PAY people to have these ideas.