FIRE IN THE GATES OF HELL

It suddenly becomes clear. That old bloke's shed oil depot massive petrol station that went up in Hemel Hempstead last weekend - regrettable accident? Ambitious arsonist? Clumsy fucker?

Nope. The horrendous pollution, destruction and asthmatics keeling over can all quite easily be forgiven. It was all for our own good. Obviously, it was a nice try, but it's not that simple - he's been able to hire some more stuff. You have to imagine that he contacts the hire companies under an assumed name otherwise they'd go "Pianos? Baby Grand? Hmm... let me have a look... No, sorry - we're clean out of ALL pianos. When will we have some back in? Oooh, erm.... at the earliest I'd say... never".

The whole thing could now get very messy with the insurance companies though, I reckon. It's clearly an act of God.