I look ill, but I don't care about it...

I LOOK ILL EMERGENCY CHRISTMAS SPECIAL NEWSFLASH UPDATE.

2008-12-16T17:05:00.002Z

There's a terrible fuss-a-brewing about who should be allowed to be Christmas Number One. Fighting it out are that Burke from X Factor and Jeff 'Armbands' Buckley. To be fair, it's only right that Spare Leona Lewis gets her week at number one before throwing herself whole-heartedly into opening shopping centres the length and breadth of the UK for all of next year.

That aside, the point is that the Jeff fans are trying to save the song 'Hallelujah' from being sullied by the hand of X Factor, as if the song itself somehow has feelings, that can be hurt. Fuckwits. If that were the case the poor thing would have been in a foetal position rocking back and forth under a running shower since 1994 after what Jeff did to it. In fact, if you go back far enough and listen to Leonard Cohen's original and use the same thinking, it probably would have been taken into care in 1984 and laughing Len would have been charged with child abuse.

Furthermore, Jeff Buckley described his version as an homage to "the hallelujah of the orgasm". That's right - he decided to record it, by his own admission, after a particularly good wank. That's probably why it sounds so lacklustre.

I've listened to Alexandra Burke's take on it. Or at least the take that Alexandra Burke has been instructed to have on it, and it's no better or worse than Jeff Buckley's. She inevitably does that thing where she takes something that's already soulful and tries to imbue it with soul, creating the soul-cancelling-out effect that you find on most recordings by alleged modern alleged soul alleged singers. Keep it simple, stupid.

Aaaaanyway, all of this is me digressing quite spectacularly, but then, you can't stop me - it's my blog and only the second time I've posted on it this year, so lap it up. What I really need to point out is that the money raised by both the Burke and Buckley versions goes to swell the coffers of SonyBMG Music. Now, it's your choice, but if ever there was an incentive for anyone to steal it off the internet I would have thought that was it.

I'm going to put up Leonard's version from YouTube, mainly because you need to hear the 'original' if you only know any of the bazillion cover versions. I can't help but be reminded of that William Shatner album when I hear it. It really is bad. It's lucky that John Cale sorted it all out, simplified it and made a concise reading from the 84 verses or however many Len wrote for it. Cos after all, it's John Cale's version that everybody uses nowadays as their blueprint for it, eh? His still isn't the best one though. That's Rufus Wainwright's. I don't see you all clamouring to get him to the top of the charts right now though, do I? What's the matter, is he not cool enough for you? There's a certain irony in everybody getting behind Jeff Buckley when he's too dead to appreciate it instead of making the Christmas of a man who's as camp as it.

Oh, before any aggrieved Jeffrey devotees pile in and make a mess of my comments section - word of advice for you. Briefly go away and listen to Tim Buckley doing it properly then come back and we'll talk. 'Cept we won't, cos I don't talk to Jeff Buckley fans.

Leonard Cohen - Hallelujah. I'll tell you what - when that enormous choir bellows in on the chorus, it's beautifully understated. Nice one Len, well judged.

Rufus Wainwright - Hallelujah. Off you go now, Ruf. Go and hustle your way on to the Shrek soundtrack. This video's even got the words so you and your family can get round for a nice game of maudlin karaoke on Christmas morning.

I've enjoyed this. I might start again at it next year. Who knows, I might even put on ~~a gig before I realise I'm absolutely sick to fucking death of it~~ some gigs under the I Look Ill 'umbrella'. That's right - I'M RELAUNCHING THE BRAND. For about a week.

THE SCENE THAT CELEBRATES IT'S TOES.

2008-03-09T16:36:00.005Z

Rattling on elsewhere about the Cocteau Twins got me looking to see what Wikipedia had to say about them. In the list of Robin Guthrie's collaborations, production and otherwise, I was surprised to see that he'd produced some (first generation) shoegazer's records that I really liked. It makes sense that he would have done, I just didn't know that he had. So... I plan to run you through the entire good, bad and abominable of shoegazing. You are cordially invited to ignore it completely.

Right, first a couple of Guthrie collaborations:

Lush - Deluxe. Lush sounded like this before shoegazing had even been invented. About five years later they made those more obvious records that actually sold some copies. To simpletons.

Chapterhouse - Falling Down. This is my favourite Chapterhouse single. Not my favourite song of theirs, cos that was Die Die Die. Which was never a single. It was given away as a bonus vinyl disc with the early copies of their first album. Therefore the no video for it is fairly unlikely to turn up on youtube. So Falling Down it is. This is from when they went 'a bit baggy'.

By going from Lush to Chapterhouse I've kind of leapfrogged the first REAL shoegazers who were Ride. The first few Ride EPs and their debut album were ace. After that they decided on a policy of just doing good things every now and again. This video for Chelsea Girl, the first song on their first EP has an interview with Andy Bell and Loz Colbert before it. Andy is now the surly bass player in Oasis, despite him being a far better guitarist than anyone in the band. Except Liam. Loz Colbert is now the drummer in the reformed Jesus and Mary Chain. To be fair, he's a fucking brilliant drummer. Another interesting fact is that loads of girls at college used to fancy my friend Ian Turnips because he looked like Mark Gardener from Ride. He's the one doing all of the singing on this. Mark Gardener that is, not Turnips.

Slowdive - Catch the Breeze. People did and still do really LOVE Slowdive. I always thought that they weren't catchy enough vocally. Their first album, Just For a Day, I've never been able to listen to all the way through in one sitting, cos I'm just too bored by about halfway through. That said, I did really like Catch the Breeze. But they stand accused more than anyone of being the biggest perpetrators of The Misunderstanding My Bloody Valentine Mistake.

My most recent shoegazing-revisited obsession has been Moose. This is surprising as they were considered runts of the litter even at the time. Well, everybody's wrong. They were dead good. You're all idiots. To prove it, you're getting three singles.

Moose - Jack (first single)
Moose - Suzanne (ace single)
Moose - This River Will Never Run Dry ('This-is-over. We'd-best-go-a-bit-country' GREATEST single)

Now. Because when I went to see Moose they were supporting Stereolab, I'm putting up Stereolab's finest moment from when they were
a. Nearly shoegazers
b. Not yet really dull
Stereolab - French Disko. Appearing on The Word to give it some context in time. Also because there doesn't appear to be an official video for it. Good performance though.

There are a couple of other candidates in the 'are-they-aren't-they?' shoegazing camp. First up are The Pale Saints. I can't find a good clip of Sight of You or She Rides The Waves, so I'm going with their fantastic cover version of the Nancy Sinatra rarity Kinky Love.

In existence before ANY of the rest of them then outlasting the whole thing by a fair few years were The Boo Radleys. Before they were cracking the UK top ten armed with bad trumpets, they were making great singles like Lazy Day.

The Iron Maiden of shoegazing were The Catherine Wheel. In that they were a bit more rockist than they were ethereal (I got this far without describing something as ethereal. Haven't I did well?) and that one of them was related to Iron Maiden. I don't know which one, but the singer of The Catherine Wheel's name is Rob Dickinson.
The Catherine Wheel - Black Metallic. They got accused of racism for the couplet "It's the colour of your skin. Your skin is black metallic". It was a strange time. If you need to get hold of a copy of this song, it's on the A-side of the Black Metallic single, and on the b-side in various forms of every single Catherine Wheel since then. Their guitarist, Brian Futter, had exceptionally corkscrew hair when they first turned up on Snub TV.

By now, anyone with a fringe, a Fender Jaguar guitar and a chorus and delay pedal had been signed to pretend indies Hut or Dedicated Records. This was not good. Not good at all. Here's Revolver with Heaven Sent an Angel. The only upside of this is that the clip is from the Indie Charts bit of The Chart Show. Mat Flint from Revolver won a Brit Award the year after this in the 'Most Schmindie Singing Ever' category.

It was all done bar the not shouting in the UK. It was over to the USA to see if they could do anything interesting with it. They could, briefly. Medicine were the first band I can remember being described as 'Dreampop', which is American for 'Shoegazing'. This is Aruca from their first EP. At the start you can clearly hear that they have not made The Misunderstanding My Bloody Valentine Mistake.

The Drop Nineteens briefly looked like they could save the whole thing. Sadly, they didn't and life moved on. They did leave us with the song Winona though.

The Misunderstanding My Bloody Valentine Mistake.
Where shoegazing went wrong right across the board was down to the people involved not realising why My Bloody Valentine were great. Pre-Loveless, MBV made records they had an inch-perfect balance of detached melodic sugar-sweet vocals, distant and effects heavy guitars, terrible production and out and out violence in the musical backing. Long has run the debate on which Valentines album is better - Isn't Anything Vs Loveless, but, to quote Paul Calf's video diary, you've set up a false opposition. As superb as Isn't Anything is, the point at which they changed guitar music forever was with the You Made Me Realise EP. From start to finish it's almost perfect. I don't even *like* one of the songs on it, and it's still near flawless. Bands like Slowdive removed the violence. They removed the groove. They removed the bit that made the floppy fringed kids want to throw themselves around beer-sticky dancefloors on a Thursday night. The music lost it's heartbeat.

Here are My Bloody Valentine with You Made Me Realise. The video was directed by Douglas Hart from The Jesus and Mary Chain. Feel surprised that I've skilfully avoided going on at length about their influence in all of this as yet.

In the same way that the shoegazers got MBV wrong, so the post-rock hoardes and the (seriously, I'm not just being silly) Nu-gazers don't understand what was worth bothering with about the shoegazers. Many times now I've had this conversation

"They were amazing. They played one riff for about nine minutes"
"Then what happened?"
"Nothing"
"Didn't the crowd at least try to set fire to them on behalf of music everywhere?"
"No"
"This country..."

Often I'm told, or it is at least implied with the condescending tone that only the eternally tuneless can manage that I just don't get it with (post-post-post-)post-rock. I do. I get it. It's prog-rock that's more shit. How far away am I so far?

So anyway. That's that all sorted out then. If you want to delve further you could do at lot worse than to click here for the Shoegazeralive blog which, as far as I can make out, is a feller in Brazil uploading entire albums/back catalogues to rapidshare/yousendit services for you to download for nothing. At the time of typing Curve are at the top of the front page there. I left them out on purpose. They were on Dave Stewart's record label. Get in touch via the comments section or email if you feel aggrieved that I've left out Adorable, Smashing Orange, The Ecstasy of St. Theresa or Feral from Newcastle and that it's just unforgivable.

Cheerio then. I'll see you in about a year and a half.

RELEGATION ZONE BY MID-APRIL.

2007-03-27T01:26:00.000Z

I can't think of an occasion when I've managed to cover music and football in one post before. And by managed, I mean needed. And by needed, I mean been foolhardy enough to risk it.

There's a good reason for this, and I can boil it down to a simple equation.

Though it has been attributed to many others, including Elvis Costello and Sammy, the bass player out of Onionhead, I think it was Frank Zappa who originally said "writing about music is like dancing to architecture". Always one for thinking on it's drawing board, Architecture shot back, quick as a flash, "though you'd somehow feel more foolish boogieing to Frank Zappa".

Zappa may be arse-achingly dull, indulgent and, most significantly, dead - but for once, he had a point. Another, less flouncy law is that you never let football within a throw-ins reach of getting musical. Ever.

If we multiply what we shall call The Law of Dancing To Architecture by what we shall call The Law of Hoddle and Waddle's Diamond Lights, we ought to see...

That I should never, under any conceivable circumstances, not even when there's a war on and there's a shortage of musical news stories, be required to write anything that combines the two.

Alas.

Ram FM are proudly promoting a new song by 11th Hour, though technically that ought to be '11th Hour Featuring Billy Davies'. The song, apparently is "designed to help the Ram's promotion push", which all told must involve some fearsome backwards masking and subliminal messages. On the upside "all profits from the download and sale of the song will go to the 10 charities designated by Derby County for the 2006-07 season". Let's hope that at least one of them is dedicated to helping deaf children live a more comfortable life.

Elvis has left the full-back stranded.

DAMN YOU JOE DOLCE!

2007-02-11T23:59:00.000Z

Considering the relatively short time that we've inhabited Earth a surprisingly early contender for the title of Worst Idea In Human History is the It Should Have Been Number One project.

Now that singles don't have to have a physical (CD/Vinyl/Edison Cylinder) release to count in the charts, these people are taking the opportunity to rig them by getting behind songs that were robbed of their 'rightful' place at the top of the pop charts first time around. With me so far? Good good...

The *main* problem is that the FIRST song that they deem worthy of this treatment is Roll With It by Oasis. Yes. Now relax, cos I have a cunnning plan - and it's just asking for it...

Go here and download Country House by Blur.

Roll With It : It Means
Nothing Tooo Meeeee

TIMING IS EVERYTHING. AND APPARENTLY CONTEXT IS, AS WELL. AND INTENTION.

2007-02-03T01:29:00.000Z

I picked a terrible time to start my blog up again, considering that I'd have to leave it dormant for a week just two days later. I just liked the perfection of it being started up again a year to the day later. Don't think I don't care about you - I've already prepared you this postcard.

Budapest : There may
be surprises yet.

BET-HEDGING ARTISTS TEAR UP DICTIONARY. NEW DEFINITION OF THE WORD ECLECTIC PENDING.

2007-02-02T16:05:00.001Z

A succession of acts who'd really like Radiohead's level of success have been clamouring for inclusion on KCRW Radio's thrilling new compilation album - There's Something About Radiohead. The 'curator' of the piece and station payola honcho, Canesten Twilight today said , "Everyone wants to be Radiohead. In recent years they've come to define eclecticism, especially if you're unsure of what the word means and you like your definitions very narrow. Apparently on the next album they've attached motion sensors to Thom's wonky eye and are using them to trigger a theremin. Or a Vicodin or something. Well, it's *one* of those instruments that always turn up on their records".

The tracklisting runs:

Damien Rice - Creep (Piano Version)
Flaming Lips - Creep
Four-Tet - Creep (Fragmented Hard-Drive Mix)
R.E.M - Creep
Radiohead - The Sun Has Taken His Hat Off
M. Ward - 2 + 2 = 5
Muse - Creep
Paul Weller - Acquiesce
Gary Jules - Creep (from Donnie Darker:The Revenge)
Joanna Newsom - Creep
Coldplay - Clocks
Jethro Tull - Creep
Robert Wyatt - Shipbuilding.

The album will be leaked for download on February 18th. In stores shortly after the bolt's back on the door of the empty stable.

Tommy Radioneck : Hasn't he
got gorgeous eclectic eyes?

I'VE GOT A CRIMINAL RECORD. IT'S ZENYATTA MONDATTA BY THE POLICE. NO WAIT, THAT'S NOT RIGHT. HANG ON, I'VE FORGOTTEN HOW TO KEEP TITLES SHORT. LIKE...

2007-02-01T22:51:00.000Z

...MORRISSEY.

Nothing lifts my mood more than the news that Sting is about to do something. Except perhaps the sight of Bob Geldof shaking his collection tin on St Peter's Street. Accompanied by Bono playing Bob Marley songs on acoustic guitar. In fact, you're lucky that I managed to stop singing it from the rooftops for long enough to inform you that The Police have reformed to rake it in once more. Sting is taking his top off to practice glistening with sweat as I type.

One great rock music story that I've heard three different versions of is that Stewart Copeland, the drummer from out of The Police hated Sting so much that he had *EITHER* "Sting is a Cunt", "Fuck off Sting" OR Sting's face scrawled on his drum skins to help him hit them harder. What's less widely known is that Andy Summers, the guitarist from out of The Police (it's no mistake - Sting was the bass player from out of Sting's band) painted all of his guitar strings in yellow and black stripes like Sting's jumpers that he got his nickname from in order to lash out at them furiously so that they'd break more while the band were playing sold out stadiums.

If they really needed the money I'd post play.com or amazon links here for Stewart Copeland's Everybody Stares DVD (supposed to be great), Andy Summers' One Train Later book (supposed to be good) or Sting's solo back catalogue (Sting likes it. A lot).

The Stings : His tops do
it voluntarily now.

I AM RIGHT AND YOU OWE ME AN APOLOGY*

2006-02-01T17:34:00.000Z

Even though it's still a beta version, Google Video is pretty good for finding music videos/footage on.

I'll be honest, I only really found this out cos there's next to no porn on there.

Let's try the obvious and see what it gives us:
The Beatles
Good, let's try the NEXT biggest band of all time. Shut up:
The Ramones
Probably time to drag ourselves kicking and screaming into this century:
Rilo Kiley
How about them lot what give us the best album of 2004 last year?:
The Arcade Fire
And him that we must thank daily for bringing them to our attention:
Bono
What have Lou 'Chuckles' Reed and his merry crew got on there?:
The Velvet Underground

Actually, with that last one you'll find clips of a band seemingly called Phoneless (yeeees... I'm guessing they're European. Well, I say European - I mean French). I only realised that it wasn't the real Velvets when I noticed that they had even less of a drummer than Moe Tucker.

Still, make the most of it before every clip you view is infected with code that redirects your browser to pages trying to flog you pills for your cock.

* - Well, you do if you're Pauly. Ages ago I told you that this was what Google would invent next. You disagreed, asking how it would recognise the content of the video clips. OBVIOUSLY the answer to that was "the same way it does with Google Images", but I got confused and wary cos you invented the internet or something.

LORD LUCAN. ELVIS PRESLEY. LOCH NESS MONSTER. GOD.

2006-02-01T16:58:00.000Z

All of them are DEAD but have absolute fucking lunatics who believe them to be alive somewhere in the world.

I don't know why I mention it...

Anyway, once again it's the anniversary of the disappearance of Richey Edwards, the Manic Street Preachers' not-plugged-in guitar hero.

His vanishing act is a complete mystery. The last anyone can remember seeing him he was dumping his car at that service station right next to the Severn Bridge. Have you ever been to the Severn Bridge? It's an impressive sight, and that expanse of water underneath it washes straight out to the sea. Honestly, if you slipped off that - you'd be a goner.

Sorry, I digress. I'm always doing that. Where was I? Yeah, Richey Edwards. Dropped his car off by that fancy log flume, didn't have a lot of money or his passport on him. No-one's seen him since. Where could he have got to? Show yourself Richey! Come on you tinker! At least get in touch with your mam - she's got your tea on!

Nope, it's no good, no good at all. We're going to need Scooby Doo for this one. "Hello, Fred? You're in the Mystery Machine? Oh, that's good. Look - are you anywhere near the M48? Good..."

Rikes! He's Read! Heeeeheee-
heeeeeeeeheeeeeeheeeee...

Of course, you can always go here if you believe I'm being a tad harsh...

TVPs EMERGENCY!

2006-01-24T08:43:00.000Z

Many thanks to Steve Domino for pointing out in the comments of the next post down that some new (at least, new to me) MP3s of Television Personalities songs from the forthcoming album My Dark Places have surfaced on Teaching the Indie Kids To Dance Again MP3 blog. Do also take a look at Steve and the other Johnny Domino chaps' superfine Domino Rally MP3 Blog.

Of the two songs 'She Can Stop Traffic' is notably the poppier (a triumph, considering), veering somewhere towards the previously uncharted territory of mantra/playground taunt crossover while 'Ex-Girlfriend Club' might just seem familiar somehow, if a little more harrowing than you remembered it. That said, Daniel Treacy's ready wit is present, as ever, "Don't be fooled by the rocks - I'm still Danny from the block" indeed...

UNEXPECTED MYSPACE AGE SHIFT

2006-01-24T06:26:00.000Z

Over at the Domino Records website they're modestly congratulating themselves on The Arctic Monkeys 2nd consecutive UK number one single, when what they SHOULD be doing is chomping at the bit ready to make sure that every set of functioning ears in the world gets to hear the new Television Personalities single that's due in two weeks time. Regardless of whether it's released on 7" vinyl only or not.

It seems that the good folks of the TVPs yahoo group have coped with the anticipation by ALL AT ONCE putting their own bands on MySpace. Now, no offence to them, as they're all simply charming people but this has raised the overall average age of MySpace participants to something like 185 years old. Christ, *I'm* old but I'm still in nappies over in TVP/Yahoo world. Mind you, that's just my own predilection.

So expect gradually to be seeing far fewer pictures on there of him:

and far more pictures of him:

But that's not my point. My point is that you can go and look and listen to them all, 'cos I'm going to do you a massive list jus' down here, like.

The TVPs themselves (now with songs up. Really good ones at that. You lucky people).

TVP Members past and present:
The Ghosts
Edward Ball
The Times
Teenage Filmstars
Love Corporation
O Level
Reacta
Graeme W
The Projects

TVP Yahoo Group Folks' Bands
The Container Drivers
Four Volts
Baskervilles
Sixty Nine and the Continuous People
Semion
The June Brides
Foaming Beauties
The Void
The Catalysts

And just 'cos I didn't want to feel all left out I decided to shamelessly start a music account just to put one song up for the moment at
The Gazthatch Experience

Which ties in nicely - 'cos that song of mine went on Anti-War Robb's Anti-War album that he put together before they didn't listen and the last war broke out (US Oil, not Second World). I've been meaning for ages to point out that you can download the whole thing in it's entirety (artwork an' all) for nothing nowadays by going here. However, you'll find out more about it and see what else the U Rule people are giving away for nuffink on this page.

Phew, all a bit long-winded, weren't it?

WHEN YOU WAKE YOU'RE STILL IN A DRUNKEN STATE.

2006-01-20T17:29:00.000Z

That Kevin Bloody Shields from My Bloody Valentine has got a bloody nerve...

He's amongst residents of Hampstead who are complaining about a bar called Room 68 applying for a late licence to allow them to open until 1am.

On the grounds of noise nuisance.

Hmmm... yeeeeeees, Kevin. Let's hope that they don't crank the sound system up so loud that it damages the audience's hearing AND triggers the instinct in the human body that warns of imminent danger whilst all of the staff of the place are safely going about their business wearing earplugs.

You'd have thought that with all of his practice doing interviews that he'd have got the best soundbite in. Unfortunately not. The best Kev could manage was "I really object to being forced to listen to music I don't like while someone else makes money. The worst are Dido remixes". I can't say whether the newspaper edited out anything along the lines of "Her record company rejected mine" or not.

But he was beaten hands down in the quote stakes by local philosophy teacher Donald Hill who offered up "This is a conservation area - believe it or not - not a honky-tonk arena for idiots". I can't say whether the newspaper edited out anything along the lines of "Or ethereal, procrastinating guitar molesters for that matter" or not.

Kevin Shields : Careful! He's
been woken up again...

D'YER MAKER?

2006-01-18T00:41:00.000Z

On the subject of when The Smiths were little (below), in the process of winding some metal kidz up today I inadvertantly found the MySpace home of one James Maker.

Who, I type that I can imagine you asking? He was the original go-go dancer for The Smiths until everybody involved pointed out that they really didn't need a go-go dancer/Morrissey decided that there wasn't enough attention to go round sharing it.*

He went on to sing in the band Raymonde and as I've been webstalking the man today, I've discovered that you can buy a couple of their old singles on eBay, or at least you could at the time of me smashing my hands about on this keyboard.

After that, he decided to have a crack at LA-style metal in what was at the time, as far as I'm aware, the first all gay heavy metal band. Legend has it that the people who signed them to EMI Records (only for Mr Maker & co to later reveal their sexual orientation) were so livid at being presented with the problem of marketing a gay rock band to what was then considered (despite the age-old homoeroticism of heavy metal) a very macho/straight audience that they washed their hands of the act. To the point that RPLA were banned from even entering the EMI building.

Oh his MySpace page are demos from 2000. There are four songs up there for you to tilt your ears towards.

Nowadays he goes under the moniker 'James Maker and Noko 440' and states his genre as pop/ambient. Newer material will see release soon either on iTunes or on that quaint old CD format that people used to go crazy for.

You might think that the picture below is amusing with it's 99p sticker, but you try finding a picture of RPLA, let alone one of The Smiths onstage with their go-go dancer on Google images...

RPLA : I see no reason why Saxon
fans wouldn't lap it up.

Shortly after my regrettable bout of recollecting it occured to me that I probably ought to write a book containing all of the old trivia that I know and save putting you, dear reader (singular) through it.

* - Delete according to which story you believe.

"WHY DO YOU HOLD FLOWERS WHEN YOU SING (YOU GREAT MARY-ANNE)?"

2006-01-17T17:13:00.000Z

There's some curious old footage of The Smiths behaving decidedly less than effortlessly cool on The Tube here.

The resolution is a bit on the poor side so there are some good bits where Morrissey's face takes on an alien quality.

The cutting between the schoolchildren asking the questions and Morrissey or Johnny Marr is seamless as well. At no point did I get the impression that there was no way that they were going to get Steven Patrick to sit in a classroom full of grubby schoolchildren for real. To be honest, on reflection it now seems surprising that they got him to agree to stand next to that little lad when they did 'Panic' on Top of the Pops.

The best bit is possibly when they edit in the kids singing 'This Charming Man' in unison over the wrong part of the song.

Pesky Kid : Billy Liability

COR! THEY'RE SO LITTLE AND CUTE!

2006-01-15T19:06:00.000Z

Anyone who knows anything knows how good the Japanese are at archiving stuff. Often pointless stuff, admittedly, but stuff nonetheless.

Go here to have a look at a superb collection of old compact cassettes. Then, when you've finally been drawn in and are shouting "I've got that one! I've got the second CUD album on that!" to an empty room, stop for one moment and take in fully the fact that you're getting excited about a load of digital images of cassette tapes. Then perhaps spend an hour or two seriously thinking about your life.

My second question about this collection, obviously after "Why?", is - how on earth did they get them captured in that resolution?

Tape : For the record, my favourite one

CONCRETE AND (CL)A(Y)-SIDE. OBVIOUSLY, I APOLOGISE.

2006-01-12T15:50:00.000Z

The Concretes have released details of a new single preceding a new album. Called 'Chosen One' it's out on February 27th. A week later the album 'In Colour' ~~drops~~ ~~hits the streets~~ ~~is in the racks~~ gets released.

It's well worth visiting their website as they have loads of interesting downloads of songs, videos and interesting animations and stuff. And pictures of them birds from out of The Concretes. Phwoar!

THE SPY WHO FUCKED ME

2006-01-12T14:41:00.000Z

This settlement has been reached in the Sony BMG vs The Music Listening World spyware/malicious content copy protected CDs case (as it's surely technically known).

Now, forgive me, but isn't that just one huge slapped wrist? Especially when you take into account that users can forego the cash refund and get 'more downloads'? More digital copies? Costing Sony what? Precisely nothing?

Is there any proviso to ensure that Sony BMG make it known that this is available to those whose computers they put at risk? What if you're a computer user who *isn't* connected to the internet? What good are your free downloads to you then? I could keep going. Oh, I will...

Exactly what system are they providing to access your downloads? Do you have to register with them? 'Cos given their recent dodgy history of having a quick shufty around your computing activities I'd say that handing over any information to them was less than wise.

Presumably, if they ever catch up with my P2P activites I can just offer the bands in question the money I've theoretically saved and offer them a quick root 'round my MP3 collection?

So, yes, a settlement that probably goes into millions that they'll likely be insured against anyway. Truly, it's a victory for the man in the street...

Sony BMG : They'll think twice
after a telling off like that.

UPDATE : You might want to have a look at this 'Letter To Our Valued Customers', mind you. Though of more use might be this 'list of infected titles'. About which, it occurs to me - will the copies of those albums with the XCP copy protection on them now become collecter's items? Shall I go and play merry hell with them? Shall I? Shall I?

UPDATED UPDATE : Admittedly, perhaps I should have looked through everything before I vented my spleen, but I really wanted to catch my disgust in full flow. Go here to see the mechanics of their exchange programme. It's interesting, cos I see that you *don't* in fact have to register for your downloads as they'll send you a link to the MP3s. Can anyone see what's going to happen with that? If you *are* one of the poor unfortunates that

1. Purchased any of the CDs in that list and
2. Subsequently had it nearly fuck your computer for you:

DO feel free to post the links to those MP3s in the comments section here.*

Most interesting is the fact that 'Life' by Ricky Martin and 'Days in Memphis' by Peter Gallagher contain the copy protection warning, but not the actual rogue software. You can exchange those for a copy without the lazy, overlooked-the-details-of-it packaging. You really should. If you've got more than one CD in that list - I recommend sending them individually, at Sony's expense. You can take them to a UPS store OR have UPS come and pick them up from your house. Which option do you think I implore you to use?

* - as I've previously established, it's the kiss of death for any suggestion I ever make on here that even remotely involves the 'comments section'.

DO YOU LIKE GREEN EGGS AND HAM?

2006-01-10T17:35:00.000Z

Thanks go to Pauly for this. Should you be quite, quite insane you can bid on Jay Kay from Jamiroquai's Segway.

Well, he used it once anyway, and they have had the good humour to put this picture up

Which is annoying, 'cos it stops me from doing this:

A Segway! : With A Hat On!
Oh, Whatever Next?

PRESTONWATCH

2006-01-10T14:43:00.000Z

The Ordinary Boys' sales have gone through the roof since that bloke went into that place with them people on telly. Well, they've emerged from down beneath the floorboards, at the very least.

While we're on the subject, isn't it reckless of them to equip the Celebrity Big Brother house with a pool in the garden, y'know - considering who's in there? C'mon - don't make me make jokes about 'Today's Big Brother Extinction'...

It seems that the sales for 'Brassbound' have increased tenfold. Which is fair enough, but I want cold hard figures, otherwise I can simply do this...

10 x 3 = 30

...and look all clever.

By contrast, Goldie Lookin' Chain's sales have increased fourfold, so I can only assume that loads of potential new fans got as far as the doors of their local HMV and thought 'actually, that joke's wearing a bit thin now...' like everyone in the normal world did shortly before Goldie Lookin' Chain actually formed.

Preston & Jodie : Go on, son...
against some bins.

DERBY MUSIC NEWS

2006-01-10T13:57:00.000Z

David Ford, Meandervent and Lucy Day are to be found singing for their lives at The Victoria Inn (meet at 1900 hours sharp by the sewer grate at the back of the council house. All attendees shall be administered with a balaclava and must hand over their mobile phones until the success of the mission is assured. Former Marines and outlawed members of the A-Team will guide all present through an underground maze of shitty tunnels leading to the upstairs toilet of the venue itself. Due to time constraints minors in attendance shall be required to climb out through the taps in the sink. Waterproofs recommended) in Derby tonight. £4 advance/presumably more on the door.

I don't know what David Ford is like (I've heard him and not a single aspect of it has remained in my memory) but the picture on the poster has him playing harmonica, so let's assume there's an acoustic guitar in tow, shall we? That name - ominously close to David Gray, innit? So - Bob Dylan copyist missing by a country mile, then. Hang on, I don't even like Bob Dylan, so - Woody Guthrie copyist missing by an even wider margin than Bob Dylan.

Meandervent sound like (according to another poster) 'piano genius like PJ Harvey', which is unfortunate for PJ Harvey 'cos as a rule she sticks to guitar. What I think they mean is 'piano genius. Sounds like PJ Harvey', which probably ignores quite a lot of other influences. Tori Amos is one, as is Big Gay Rufus.

Lucy Day's blurb says 'Hey there, I am a girl from Derbyshire who picked up an acoustic guitar around four years ago and hasn't put it down yet'. Must make loads of stuff impractical that. Like showering, unless she...

David Ford, MEANDERVENT & LUCY
DAY : The Vic, Tonight.

WELCOME TO THE 2006 I-LIBIDO'S

2006-01-06T10:04:00.000Z

I apologise, I really can't be arsed to do a round up of the albums and gigs that were the best of 2005. No scratch that - I'll compromise. There's one award and in the manner of every other PAID music critic this year it seems...

We'll call it the 'I Look Ill Rolling Stone Magazine Best Album of The Eighties Goes To London Calling Oopsy Might Want To Have Checked The Sleeve On That One Album Of 2005'. And it goes to...

...for their 2004 classic...

...The Arcade Fire and 'Funeral'! Congratulations! We go over via live satellite link to the band who are being presented with one of my old football trophies by who else? Fucking Bono! "Mr Bono?! Mr Vox?? Would you care to say a few words on behalf of yet another perfectly decent band that you're ruining for everybody?"

I might do my predictions in a couple of days time. Keep checking back.

AT LEAST IT KEEPS THEM OFF THE STREETS

2006-01-06T09:07:00.000Z

Having ventured out to the shops at seven-thirty this morning I was confronted by either The Sun or The Star (I didn't bother to check which, 'cos it really makes no difference) showing the desperate faces of this year's Celebrity Big Brother contestants. In amongst the chancers and C-listers, I noticed a couple of chancers and D-listers.

Preston from The Ordinary Boys and 'Maggot' from Goldie Lookin' Chain. Why? You tell me. I'm tempted to tune in just to see if either of them takes Jodie Marsh roughly against some bins, but I think I can resist.

The good news is that for at least a couple of weeks you're safe to venture out without running into an Ordinary Boys or a GLC (no... not Ken Livingstone's old council) gig. I just wish that the show's producers had contacted me - I could have filled that house about 40 times over with bands that I wanted out of the way.

UPDATE : I couldn't resist nipping over to The Ordinary Boys' Website (I would have gone to the Goldie Lookin' Chain site, but was fearful of the amount of my ribs that would inevitably crack from simply taking it all in) to see how the kidz on their forum were justifying it. In their defence, the majority of them are mystified, the rest of them are much too busy telling the newbies on the board to fuck off. There's an interesting official statement on the front page explaining the Preston's reasoning including this bit :

"I'm going in because the lines between alternative and mainstream are so blurred,this is the final taboo... plus they phoned me up and asked me and if I said no I would be a bitter old man".

Ignoring all of the blurry lines/taboo bullshit for one moment, I think I can understand the last bit, the appeal of the unknown and all that. However, I want an apology when you come out of there, sunshine - what's wrong with being a bitter old man, exactly?

ME AND GEOFF WENT TO TAKE THAT'S GIGS, WE GOT THERE TOO LATE...

2006-01-06T08:23:00.000Z

Bewilderment and speculation run rife on the Television Personalities yahoo group. It's been discovered that in the current Italian issue of Vanity Fair magazine there's a list of Robbie Williams' 10 favourite songs. Not unusual in itself, except at number two sits 'Geoffrey Ingram' by The TVPs. The cynic in me assumes that he's had help with it from his publicists to give off just the right impression, but The TVPs? At number two? WHY?

To give it some context, here's the list in full

1) Jay-Z: 'Heart of the City (Ain't No Love)'
2) Television Personalities: 'Geoffrey Ingram'
3) Glen Campbell: 'Wichita Lineman'
4) Dream Academy: 'Life in a Northern Town'
5) Marianne Faithfull: 'Why'dYa Do It?'
6) Lewis Taylor: 'Lovelight'
7) Man Parrish: 'Boogie Down Bronx'
8) Scott Walker: 'Jackie'
9) McAlmont & Butler: 'Yes'
10) Electronic: 'Get The Message'

Robbie Williams is quoted as saying of his choice (translated from Italian) "Because I want to be like Geoffrey".

Daniel Treacy (TVPs man), by contrast, says this "yeah...i would like to know robbies other top 9!
what a hoot if he records one of my songs... i have a new one he might like. one decent cover and i will be made for life... not have to hang around with you lot anymore.

no more indie anymore... (stranglers)"

Is it any wonder that his fanbase is quite so loyal?

TVPs : Three Wishes. 'Geoffrey
Ingram' is on the B-side of that! Oh,
if you see a copy - get it. They're worth loads.

(Thanks to Filippo Dulio for, well, all of the information and for being Italian in the first place. Go look at his popfloor website, as it's aces).

HAZEY FINE PAINTER JANES

2006-01-05T10:39:00.000Z

The downside of MySpace is that you get dozens of bands cold-calling you so in the end your friend request box ends up full of the unlikely assertion that 'Terry & The Idiots would like to be your friend'. Terry doesn't really want to be your friend. Terry's just out for himself. And as if The Idiots care. They're Idiots.

The beauty of it is that should you find out about A NEW BAND elsewhere and their website has a link to their MySpace page - you can actually hear them in all their glory. Smashing.

Allow me to digress for a moment. You can't really stop me - it's my blog.

When you're surrounded by post-emo bands that couldn't find a tune in The Brill Building on one side and whinging, dull, lifeless singer-songwriters on the other your best bet is to hunt down some good old fashioned power-pop. But what is it you want from your power-pop?

You either want it to be from the USA in the early 1970s... OR around today, country-tinged, Scottish and in love with Big Star, Teenage Fanclub, Melody, Harmony and CHORUSES.

Go and find out all about The Hazey Janes here, then go and hear them on MySpace. 'Your Enemy' is like a trashier take on the Teenage Fannies' 'Star Sign' and is utterly glorious. I love it when new stuff happens. By accident.

The Hazey Janes : Unfair Funfair Affair.

YOU KNOW! NOT THE ONE WITH THE TRUMPETS!

2006-01-05T09:44:00.000Z

When I emerged, twitching and bleary-eyed from my festive recovery yesterday I was amazed to find on the White Town site for all that should wish to download it was the whole of the first White Town single 'White Town' by White Town. Complete with original artwork, no less.

Who? Allow me... "der-dah-de-der-dah-de-der-dah-de-der-dah", "I could never be Your Woman". Them. It was number one in the proper pop charts and everything.

This was of course long after Jyoti and I both agreed it probably wasn't a good idea for me to be in White Town anymore. Let that be a lesson to you all. Sack me at your peril. Just seven short years later you'll have a hit pop record and become fabulously wealthy. Ha! That showed you!

It does make me rhetorically wonder though - how many times do you depart a band that goes on to have a number one hit record? Let me assure you, the answer is hopefully fucking once. Ever.

Anyways, it still sounds young, bright, energetic and everything. The bit on the song 'White Town' where the drums kick in still sends a tingle down my spine 15 years later. That's surely what pop music is all about. Go get it.

Sean, Jyoti & Nick White Town : "Bit more Indie lads,
more Indie, bit more. Lovely lads." [click]

I'm already in trouble, so I may as well shout for TRUFFAUT! to be released. AGAIN.

OH NO! NOT THEM AS WELL!

2006-01-04T06:05:00.000Z

It's happening to everyone! The Arctic Monkeys album has been leaked before it's on sale! How on merry Earth has that happened? In light of this it might not sell by the fucking bucketload anyway.

Whatever will the poor boys do? I imagine that that Alex Monkey bloke will say something self-effacing in the manner he's becoming prone to of late. It's quite charming how he goes "We're a flash in the pan! By January, everyone will hate us anyway! Please, please, don't write anything that makes me look even vaguely big-headed!". How many older brothers must he have waiting at home ready to give him the kicking of his life the moment he becomes remotely cocky? He ought to be declaring "I'm 16 years old or whatever it is and I've already been number one in the pop charts. Our album is going to outsell everything in sight when it's released and let me assure you, should there be any doubters out there, I am currently up to my neck in drugs and fanny".

But he's not. Arctic Pansy.

I'M BACK! I'M BACK IN DENIM! AND A TOP WHAT I GOT FOR XMAS.

2006-01-04T05:40:00.000Z

Will you look at that! A two-week plus hiatus! You might think it was in some way connected to the fact that there wasn't a single moment in which I was sober over the festive season.

You would be wrong.

I broke up for Christmas far too early, came back far too late and took an unjustifiably lengthy break cos I've figured out - I'm technically in the music industry! To tell you the truth, by finishing on the 19th of December it makes me one of the ones who's finishing late and 'working right up to christmas' in their terms. While I think of it, none of them will be back this early either. I'm such a workhorse. I need a holiday.

That's by-the-by though.

I'll tell you one thing - I don't understand the motivation behind this - Radiohead songs from 1988 and 1990 leaked online. Naturally, I presume that EMI/Parlophone have done it and I anticipate the announcement of a Radiohead 'Early Demos' CD/DVD/Collector's Boxset in the next couple of days.

Worth noting in that story is that while it's fairly commonly known that pre-Radiohead they were called 'On A Friday', at some point between then and becoming the glorious Radionecks that we all know-and-went-off-about-seven-years-ago they opted to rename themselves 'Shindig'. Shindig. As in party. Knees-up. Having a good time.

I wonder why they changed that then?

Thom Radioneck : Having a laugh,
most probably at a Shindig somewhere.

FIRE IN THE GATES OF HELL

2005-12-19T11:50:00.000Z

It suddenly becomes clear. That ~~old bloke's shed~~ ~~oil depot~~ massive petrol station that went up in Hemel Hempstead last weekend - regrettable accident? Ambitious arsonist? Clumsy fucker?

Nope. The horrendous pollution, destruction and asthmatics keeling over can all quite easily be forgiven. It was all for our own good. Obviously, it was a nice try, but it's not that simple - he's been able to hire some more stuff. You have to imagine that he contacts the hire companies under an assumed name otherwise they'd go "Pianos? Baby Grand? Hmm... let me have a look... No, sorry - we're clean out of ALL pianos. When will we have some back in? Oooh, erm.... at the earliest I'd say... never".

The whole thing could now get very messy with the insurance companies though, I reckon. It's clearly an act of God.

GAWD BLESS 'IM, HE DOES A WUNNERFUL JOB...

2005-12-19T10:32:00.000Z

Many thanks to Casino Avenue for this one. Truly, it is priceless.

It's only Garry Bushell's MySpace page! For those unfamiliar with him, Wikipedia has this.

I was, naturally, intrigued to see how far he could get into his profile without getting a little misty about the empire though it should have been obvious, 'cos he only managed to hold off up until the question of location. "London, England, Great Britain
United Kingdom" his fingers gulped, choking back the twitches.

It's unclear as to whether he then necked a handful of French Blues, shouted "Bellboy!", jumped on his moped and drove it at speed off a cliff.

Garry Bluto : To Be Honest,
I nicked that from Viz Comic.

JENS LEKMAN GOES BONKERS, CANCELS EVERYTHING

2005-12-18T16:30:00.000Z

I know, I know, that title *ought* to read 'BLAH BLAH BLAH SOMETHING ABOUT A GOALKEEPER', but I can't be arsed.

Neither, it seems, can Swedish pop superhero Jens Lekman, though in this instance he's been carrying around a bit too much Kryptonite. And he's got a big tear in his cape. And the analogy is not holding up very well at all...

He's shelved his second album and he's going to get a job answering phones or something. Pitchfork said so.

Obviously, it's bad news if you were looking forward to another album from him, but in a weird, roundabout kind of way, it's actually good news, cos it's great when popstars go a bit loopy. That's when they become REALLY interesting.

Now for a picture of Syd Barrett.

Syd Barrett : Went Wappy, Was Brilliant.

JUST CALL ME DORIS GAZ

2005-12-15T17:33:00.000Z

It's peculiar, it's begining to seem that whenever I think about a band that I haven't yet had the excuse to report on the activites of, it turns out that a couple of days later I'll discover something new that they've done, and before you know it I'm struggling to find an amusing caption for their picture.

Thus, I've become aware of this MP3 of The Concretes covering The Rolling Stones' sell-out disco classic 'Miss You'. Unsurprisingly, it doesn't scream 'four-on-the-floor' at you.

It seems that my new-found and, frankly fairly useless psychic powers don't extend to me using them for destructive reasons. I've been wandering the streets in a trance-like state since my discovery focusing on the thought 'It's funny, I haven't yet had the chance to write about how u2 have split up, and Bono has been hit by a bus straight after leaving the meeting to disolve their business partnership'. So, I'm guessing that the whole me buying a cape and announcing my intention to take over the world thing might have been a bit premature.

Another thing that I seem to be seriously bereft of premonitions about is that if that I request things in the comments section, not a soul will reply. In light of that, everybody use the comments section to request the directions my thoughts should take in order to make musical stuff happen.

The Concrete : 'cos you were expecting

a picture of one of the blokes, right?

THE SMITHS DON'T REFORM

2005-12-13T18:51:00.000Z

NME reports that The Smiths aren't reforming. Johnny Marr and Andy Rourke are going to play live together for the first time in 18 years at Rourke's Manchester v Cancer gig. So what the NME have done is report it under the headline of 'Smiths Reunion', which I suppose is some kind of positive affirmation for the desperate ploy.

Now, if they can just get Morrissey and Mike Joyce interested... that's the same Mike Joyce of whom Morrissey said just a few weeks ago "Ooooooh, get her! One would hope that a nine-unicycle pile-up on the A5103 might cure him of his penny-pinching once and for all. A handbag?" or something thereabouts.

So, not now, or anytime in the near future then.

Morrissey : Behaving Badly

MY PSYCHOANALYZE THIS.

2005-12-13T18:20:00.000Z

Once Derby based, but now scattered-all-over-the-place-studying clog-gazers My Psychoanalyst have been back into the studio to record what is, by anyone's reckoning, a blistering new tune called 'Arseholes Are Honest' (just titled 'Honest' on their MySpace page here).

Sounding like the mini-pops in an unfortunate Vodka-Hooch-and-feeling-up-incident with My Bloody Valentine and The Pale Saints it harks back to the time when the latter two weren't afraid to kick the living shit out of their material. So, when they were good then, eh?

It's by a long chalk the best thing I've heard locally, nationally or indeed internationally for quite some time. I'd witter on here along the lines of it being interplanetary, and then make some reference to the guitars sounding as though they blitz across the cosmos but sadly, I don't work for IPC Media. Shame.

For a three-piece they make an almighty noise, and more importantly, have cheered me up considerably today. And that's what really counts.

Also on their MySpace page you'll find the older recordings of 'Cinderella' and 'Nobody Needs Us', both of which are only slightly less fantastic.

Now for photos with amusing captions, which obviously aren't really going to be of the right band.

My Psychoanalyst : The Sight of Who?

My Psychoanalyst : (l-r) Cal, Mach, Cal, Tom

My Pale Valentine : Collapsed on some indie grass
'cos they're too frail and tired.

SLOW, SLOW, SLOW, SLOW, SLOOOOOOW - NO!

2005-12-10T22:43:00.000Z

Slow day? What was I thinking? I just had to wait for long enough...

Phil Wilson has just emailed this to the TVPs list:

"Dear All,

Sorry for this potential spammimng, but I think some
of you may be interested.

To celebrate the recent Cherry Red re-release, the
June Brides are doing a one-off accoustic gig in
London on 4 January at the Ivy House pub in
Nunhead/Peckham.

Only doing 8 or 10 songs, two accoustic guitars,
trumpet and viola. So not the full-on June Brides
experience. But it could be fun.

Feel free to contact me if you want any details.

Best,

Phil

Phil Wilson------------------------

-The June Brides website is at http://www.junebride.freeserve.co.uk"

Blimey, so not a June Brides reformation proper, nor a full June Brides gig as such, but i'm able to go wa-hey! The June Brides are BACK! And that's enough for me.

And I couldn't let it pass without at least pointing you in the direction of an mp3 of 'Every Conversation', 'cept that I could, cos I could only find a clip of it, but go here to whet your appetite.

That's the song of which Bobby Gillespie said "I care about music and what really fucking annoys me is seeing so many people viewing music solely as a business venture. It cripples talent and I'll give you an example that proves it. If the June Brides' single "Every Conversation" was produced properly and put out on a major and plugged, it would be number one, because that record is a classic pop song! It's a sin when a record like that sells 700 copies. What sort of fucking state of affairs is it when talent like that is totally ignored? That's not whining. That's the music business."

My money's on him having said that when Primal Scream still used 12-string guitars, though.

IT MIGHT BE SLOW, BUT THE EXECS ARE STILL STUPID...

2005-12-10T21:59:00.000Z

Lardpony draws my attention to this report from the BBC. Fired up by the profits that prosecuting pensioners, children, the dead and very possibly embryo file-sharers has raked in for the BPI, the Music Publishers Association has decided to crack down on websites that publish song scores, lyrics and tablature without permission. I don't even have to explain this, do I?

It's only right that severe action is taken AND NOW, though. 'Cos these websites must be seriously eating in to the multi-millions brought in from sheet music revenue each year. Well, each year during the 1930s, perhaps.

THE SHIN BONE'S CONNECTED TO THE NECK BONE...

2005-12-10T21:36:00.000Z

James Mercer from The Shins has been talking to Pitchfork about the band's next album.

Though I'm not their biggest fan, they're pretty good and it's been a slow couple of days. It was either this; me blathering on about John Lennon like everyone else OR I could have reviewed a couple of TV advertised Xmas albums for you. Actually, I should have done that. I now like the idea of writing about 'I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday' as though the reader had never heard it. Arses.

While I'm about it, I *will* reminisce about John Lennon. The day after He was shot, I was at school and the Girl sat opposite me, who I won't name, as she was very-nice-but-superbly-dim-and-called-Karen informed me in hushed tones that her Mum had described whoever had done it as 'a swine'. I'm convinced to this day that it was, and probably still is, the worst thing she'd ever heard her Mother say. Quick as a flash I responded "Your Mum sounds like a right wanker". Well, more specifically, I finally thought to say that just now, 25 years later.

So anyway, new Shins album...

The Shins : Pad out my blog.
Thanks, fellers.

CLOSING, BYE! GOD BLESS.

2005-12-08T19:53:00.000Z

This weeks theme is stuff that's closing down, it seems. Fuck it, I'm in a bad enough mood, I'm going to celebrate it.

LEGENDARY New York punk/new wave venue CBGBs (for the curious, CBGB OMFUG stands (stood?) for Country, Blue Grass, Blues (&) Other Music For Uplifting Gourmandisers) will close it's doors on Halloween of 2006. All of this comes as no surprise after a lengthy legal battle with the building's owners, which though the venue was arguably the victor, it probably didn't help them when their lease expired at the end of August.

The early stomping ground for The Ramones, Blondie, Television, Talking Heads, Johnny Thunders & The Heartbreakers, The Dead Boys, The Dictators, Richard Hell and the Voidoids (you surely know this roll-call by now?) etc. in it's position at The Bowery on the seedier lower east side of New York, the place was living proof, were it needed, that a city gets the culture that it deserves. It gets the culture that surrounds it.

The owner, Hilly Kristal, isn't sentimental however. On the subject of a move to elsewhere in Manhattan, or even a prospective re-opening in Las Vegas, of all places, he says "Things are different all the time - look at the 70s, the 80s, the 90s. The most important thing is we're keeping the integrity of CBGB. It won't be exactly the same, but it will have the same ingredients".

"...Norman Wisdom, Johnny, Joey, Dee Dee - GOOD TIMES!"

CAN I HAVE A GO ON YOUR WRECKING BALL, MATE?

2005-12-08T18:59:00.000Z

In contrast to the Northampton Roadmender going under with barely a whimper, people are begining to cause a fuss about Derby Cityscape planning to knock The Victoria Inn down and turn it into shiny new offices.

Compare and contrast.

The Roadmender was a purpose built venue with a main hall for established acts and a smaller room for those considered 'up-and-coming', or indeed just 'crap'. Amply-sized stages, impressive lighting, state-of-the-art PA system.

The Roadmender had (and admittedly, this is fairly unique for any venue of it's type) BEAUTIFUL dressing rooms, the venue staff were courteous, and your rider (observed to the letter) was always sat waiting for you upon your arrival there. Also, if my memory doesn't deceive me - they used to lay on sandwiches for when you turned up. A small touch, but one that was welcome after a 400-mile-or-so uncomfortable van journey from Aberdeen. They even had showers. That worked.

The Roadmender was an essential stop-off point on any UK tour that had a brain in it's agent. The promotional staff managed to combine this with giving as much of a chance as possible to homegrown talent and, as far as I'm aware, there weren't any city-wide squabbles as to who had wronged who and in what fashion that were allowed to get seriously out-of-hand, alienating a considerable percentage of the localities grass-roots gig-going music enthusiasts.

The Roadmender had had a lick of paint within the last 25 years.

The Victoria Inn has a particularly charming German Shepherd dog.

All things must pass.

END OF THE ROADMENDER.

2005-12-05T21:14:00.000Z

Long-established Northampton venue the Roadmender has been shut down after the withdrawal of investment from the city council there.

It's a shame, as my old band recorded it's first demo in the recording studio upstairs there. To be honest, it wasn't a very good demo, and I don't know if this was connected at all but it wasn't much of a recording studio either, but I think we all agree that a very important piece of UK rock music heritage is in real danger of being lost forever. Especially when you consider that some other bands you might even have heard of played at the venue as well.

In fact, as a venue, it was really good, with two very well-appointed halls in the building, and I have to say, the plushest dressing rooms I think I ever encountered.

It brings into question the wisdom of relying on your local council to fund such a venture when withdrawal of essential funding can occur at a moment's notice. At least Derby City Council don't even vaguely threaten to get our hopes up with anything along these lines. In fact, if you ever encounter the venue hire and production costs in place at the Assembly Rooms or The Darwin Suite, you'll logically be of the mind that they take a hardline and positively act as a deterrent.

The Roadmender : When did they make it
look nice then?

FIRST THEIR SONGS, NEXT THEIR CLOTHES...

2005-12-05T20:58:00.000Z

Plans and Apologies are giving more free-stuff away again. Well, in fact they've had the Free Dee Pee EP up for download for a couple of weeks now, but it was getting so that I was doing an upadate about them approximately every 20 minutes, so I had to hold off for a bit.

And if you're really particular about this sort of thing, they've even provided artwork for it, admittedly it's artwork that looks like it was drawn in a school competition for particularly 'backwards' children, but artwork it is nevertheless.

The tracklisting is as follows:

1. Attenzione Caldo
2. Chandos Pole St.
3. Brainz
4. Tony Blair: Fucknut

In all honesty, it's probably supreme confidence on their part that they can give material of this calibre away on this regular a basis, but y'know, it's less fun and much more difficult to take the piss out of that sort of thing.

MYSPACE BASED APPEAL ALLUDED TO YESTERDAY

2005-12-02T14:28:00.000Z

If anyone can point me in the right direction I'd appreciate it. I'd like to set up an account somewhere where I can upload MP3s of songs or bands you may or may not have heard and rotate them as and when I see fit. Unfortunately, I don't want to use MySpace. I have got a MySpace account and I already feel bad enough about that. I've just got a feeling that Rupert Murdoch has something really, really terrible planned.

The other unfortunate news is that I don't want to use Purevolume either. Fussy get, aren't I?

I know I have some webspace somewhere (Robbie?) and I could learn the neccesary 20 GOTO 10 stuff involved to host them myself, but I'd rather use something with an interface that's already set up, so that I can put nice pictures of the people in question next to them.

If anyone has any suggestions please leave them in the comments bit, rude or otherwise. Many thanks (where appropriate) in advance.

Yeah, you see - I knock Rupert Murdoch, but what am I up to, eh? This is just my first step towards 'I Look Ill' - THE BRAND. It'll be unstoppable, I tells you, unstoppable.

Me : 13 years into the future

DOMINO DANCING

2005-12-02T14:14:00.000Z

Anyone overfamiliar with me will know that I don't need any excuse at all to put something on here about The Television Personalities. So, when I do have a reason it makes me feel all warm like I'm not cheating you.

Curious as I was about the fact that though the band signed to Domino Records much earlier this year, there'd never actually been anything on the Domino website about them. Now they've gone and made it all okay by putting them on the front page there. In front of any news about The Arctic Rolls and Frank Ferdinand. Just as it should be. Though, I suppose it depends on when you look at it and when they next update, really.

Anyways, there's the cover art for the forthcoming album 'My Dark Places' which it informs us will be released on February 27th 2006, and the news that it'll be preceded in that same month by a 7" only single (cos they're all INDIE, d'ya see? d'ya see?) called 'All The Young Children on Smack, All The Young Children on Crack' on February 6th. Listen out for *that* on the radio.

My Dark Places : Sing to the tune

of 'Frère Jacques'. It's a bit like that.

Oh, go on then... the MP3 is here.

IF YOU STARE AT IT LONG ENOUGH YOUR BLOOD FREEZES.

2005-12-01T16:51:00.000Z

The above is a picture of The Arcade Fire joining U2 onstage last night (Weds 30th). What you can't hear from that picture is that they're doing a cover version of Joy Division's 'Love Will Tear Us Apart'.

If the old, old cliche about songs being like children to songwriters is true then that picture's something akin to being sent a snapshot of your two nephews getting molested.

To cleanse your mind and soul go here to hear a snippet of 80s soul crooner Paul Young feeling up the classic Joy Division tune as well. I can't believe that nobody has hosted the full version.

HEY! THERE'S A BAND ON MYSPACE!

2005-12-01T13:46:00.000Z

I got an unsolicited message on MySpace the other day. From a band called The Arrogants congratulating me on being a fan of Talulah Gosh. Being shallow and easily won over, I thought I'd point you in the direction of their tunes. 'Cool Shoes' and 'Lovesick' are the girliest in that Shop Assistants/Talulah Gosh/Even as we Speak way. The slower 'I Want You' has more than a hint of The Sundays about it.

And let's be honest, it makes a nice change from being contacted out of the blue on there by some bunch of emo-post-math-rock-metal no-marks, dunnit?

Incidentally, I've just checked and Talulah Gosh have a MySpace page too. That's not very '86, is it? Good job it's not really them, all told.

The Flatmates : Well, why not?

Tomorrow : A MySpace based appeal. I bet you can barely wait, can you?

TWO MONTHS! TWO MONTHS I'VE HAD TO WAIT!

2005-12-01T13:25:00.000Z

But now the moment is here! Confused monkey and 'romantic' 'poet' Pete Doherty has been arrested.

You'll *never* guess what for? Go on, hazard a guess!

I've checked the Babyshambles release schedule and, to be honest, he's a couple of weeks late getting this one into the press. He must really be in a bad way.

Surely by now he should be employing someone to carry his 'drinks' around for him? That's what Led Zeppelin did. You're not a *proper* rockstar until you've got some fool on the payroll willing to put your stash of chinese diamorphine up his arse and take a flight to Japan with you knowing that as fall guy they're risking a hundred years in prison and you won't lift a finger to help them.

Lord Byron : Did it first, did it better.
photo by Annie Liebovitz.

I'M STILL WAITING FOR THE OTHER 31 LOVE SONGS.

2005-11-29T19:04:00.000Z

At last! Some Magnetic Fields news! Of sorts. Stephin Merritt is finally good to go with his thingy-complicated-multimedia-stage-piece-with-showtunes. Well, at least Nonesuch Records are releasing a collection of songs from it in February 2006.

It's well out of left-field though. Who's ever heard of a gay man involved in the theatre, let alone one being put in charge of writing showtunes? This certainly sets a precedent.

It's okay! I'm allowed to do this! Elton John said it was okay. It's British and Bawdy or summink!

Anways, to read the actual details, without my added sarcasm, go here.

Stephin Merritt : Pop Genius

DERBY MUSIC NEWS

2005-11-29T18:52:00.000Z

Hunting for Teeth has moved from it's old regular night of last Thursday of the month to it's new regular night of last Tuesday of the month and so, y'know, applying logic and all that, it means that the first of it's new outings is tonight. It's still at Susumi on the Wardwick, they've not moved it two doors up or anything. Though it would be interesting if they started hosting it in Debenhams after the store has shut. East Midlands based pedants might want to use the comments section to point out that "*that's* not two doors away".

But enough of my yackin'... tonight you can go and see:

Kevin Hewick - Singer/Songwriter

Frankie Machine - Singer/Songwriter

Condensed Soup - Light Inexpensive Snack.

£3 admission. Door open at 8pm.

ELTON LOVES IT UP HIM.

2005-11-28T11:59:00.000Z

It seems that Elton John gets off on rough men calling him names.

Hmmm. I'm guessing that in reality he's just not giving them the satisfaction of seeing him react.

He should take Peter Tatchell along with him to Watford's next home game, see what he makes of it.

NO WOMAN! NO QUAI! *

2005-11-28T11:44:00.001Z

It's not all bad news!

At least Jamiroquai are threatening to erm... split up. Which takes some doing when you're essentially one egomaniac with a gimmick on his head and a load of funk musicians on retainer.

Obviously, at a time like this it's important to spare a thought for dull-but-nice women in their 20s and 30s with office jobs everywhere. You know they had a hard enough time when Toploader went.

But never mind, Hard-Fi are shaping up nicely.

Unfortunately, it's not a written-in-blood promise to stop doing it. And it does have that worrying ring of something he's said that he'll retract or 'clarify' in a couple of months time. But still, you know, if we all focus our energies and try that positive affirmation thingy, it might just work.

* - If the playlouder sub-editors had spent just a bit longer on it, they could have had this headline too...

JUST THINKING 'BOUT AIRWOLF

2005-11-28T11:29:00.000Z

Galaxie 500 have released a Peel Sessions album. It seems to be a bit heavy on the cover versions, but then their cover versions were always really good. Remember, this is the band that made Yoko Ono sound like she had musical talent when they re-worked and improved beyond all imagination her song 'Listen, the Snow is Falling'.

If you've never heard Galxie 500, but tend to like minimalist-yet-songy guitar music with quite a bit of a Velvets influence, you'd probably be better off getting 'On Fire' first, or 'This is Our Music' first. Or 'Today', now that I think of it. So, yep, there's a new Galaxie 500 CD out, but don't buy it - get their other ones. I knew there was a point I was coming to.

Galaxie 500 : Non-essential listening.

...

2005-11-26T10:32:00.000Z

I'LL HOLD MY BREATH UNTIL I GO BLUE.

2005-11-25T15:44:00.000Z

It's good news that Kevin Shields from My Bloody Valentine has remixed The Go! Team, even better news that amongst other songs he's got his mitts on the superb 'Ladyflash' but ultimately bad news because he'll probably recall the tapes on the day of pressing and insist on tweaking them until about 2023. In fact, there was no mention of a new My Bloody Valentine album in all of that John Titor stuff, was there?

And as I lean back in my rocking chair (that's 'rocking' chair, like a rocking chair, but fast) I'm reminded of how Alan McGee maintains that in between the time of My Bloody Valentine departing Creation Records to sign to Island Records (around 1991) and, well, the present day the only piece of music that Kevin Shields has delivered to his new label is a cover version of the song 'We have all the time in the world'. If that story's true, it's sheer situationist genius.

MBV in their heyday : Just 'cos I can

Go here and play the second song down to hear 'You Made Me Realise' in all it's insane glory.

I'M JUST SORE COS THEY DIDN'T ASK ME.

2005-11-25T15:28:00.000Z

Mind you, I've only been doing this for ten minutes.

A load of music bloggers and podcasters have got round (computer monitors) and nominated their Top 40 UK acts of 2005. Instead of taking the results and systematically destroying them under the watchful eye of someone from MI6 then promising never to speak of it again, they've published them online.

Seriously, it's a good job I'm here, isn't it?

That said, if they do come knocking this time next year, I've already saved a draft email that simply reads "No-one. No-one at all".

A Committee : Designing, earlier.

AND THE COOLEST PERSON IN BRITAIN IS...

2005-11-25T13:46:00.000Z

...that Alex bloke from out of the Arctic Monkeys. According to the NME, anyway. It's not even a sub-category, like 'Coolest popstar who's still got a paper round' or anything like that. Based on their one single "I bet that this sounds bad on the dancefloor", and the flurry of self-promotion surrounding it.

Of course, by definition making a list of things/people/activities that are cool is geeky and not 'cool', so I'll let you draw your own logical conclusions...

A jubilant Alex Monkey : Got it finished
faster than ever today.

MISSING LINK

2005-11-22T11:43:00.000Z

Sadly, guitarist Link Wray has died aged 76. I won't go on about what he invented cos everyone knows that Mark E Smith invented everything. Just ask Mark E Smith. Why, just last Saturday Nark E invented football pools announcer Bill Hamilton.

Anyways, when I think of Link Wray I always think of John Peel surprising me by throwing in some dirty great swampy guitar tune on his show, probably while I was waiting, pause button at the ready to tape Bastard Kestrel in session.

You will know Rumble by Link Wray, though. You probably just won't know that you know it.

Listen to Switchblade as well. Just 'cos.

Link Wray : REAL swagger,
not the pretend stuff.

INEVITABLE PICTURE OF THE WRONG GOALKEEPER JOKE AHEAD.

2005-11-22T10:37:00.000Z

If any of you were reading this back when I posted this song by Jens Lekman you might remember I couldn't find a link for his song 'Black Cab' that got everybody all excited about him a couple of years ago. Well, it seems it's resurfaced and *just* on the off-chance that you've never heard it, it's well worth not hearing again.

Anyway, about that visual 'joke' I promised you.

Pat Jennings Lekman

I hope I find some more of his MP3s soon. I've got an entire Panini sticker album to work through yet.

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHYERAHBASTARD!

2005-11-22T07:59:00.000Z

Early news this cos Arab Strap are due to play an instore set at Reveal Records in Derby at 1pm today.

The last instore this year of an impressive run at Reveal that has included Brendan Benson, Laura Veirs, Maximo Park, Rammstein and The Glenn Miller Orchestra. Subject to change/disappearance.

So if you happen to be accosted by a drunken Scotsman shouting about his sexual indiscretions this afternoon, you might have taken a wrong turning and ended up at The Padley Centre on Becket Street. Have a quick look round, if you're surrounded by racks of CDs and Vinyl and stuff - you're at the gig. Just step back from him a bit and don't make eye contact.

Arab Strap : Photo by Mick Rock.

HIT THE NORTH STAND!

2005-11-21T13:37:00.000Z

Go here to see RealPlayer footage of Mark E Smith from The Fall reading the UK football results on television last Saturday.

Nothing really happens during the reading itself, but that doesn't render it any less surreal.

KNOCK KNOCK! WHO'S THERE? ARCTIC WHO? ETC....

2005-11-21T13:08:00.000Z

Apparently there's no fuss whatsoever any more about The Arctic Monkeys as everyone has moved onto not being sure about this Rumble Strips video.

It's the most INDIE thing I've seen/heard in a long time. The singer is harping on about bicycles and them not being able to fly, but sadly stops short of describing his method of transport as 'punctured'. Shame.

It makes me think of early Dexy's Midnight Runners, as well. But I'm still not sure whether I like it or not.

I quite like the video though. It must have been a right pain for singer-y bloke to hit his mark on it. You can almost hear the director shouting "Pedal faster! Faster, you mopey sod!"

DERBY MUSIC NEWS

2005-11-19T18:52:00.000Z

The Five Lamps on Duffield Road is where ALL the cool kidz (and a fair showing of sad old blokes) are going tonight.

Plans and Apologies (of giving away entire album fame earlier this week) are supported by Dave and Jamie from Plans and Apologies. And a DJ set afterwards by Hands Solo (onanism joke here).

It's £2 to get in and whatever you do, don't order a pint of that new Kronenbourg Blanc beer with the fancy masthead thingy. It's about £3.50 a pop and it tastes like someone's poured a Bacardi Breezer into your lovely pint of normal lager.

THE WOMAN, NOT THE BAND! *

2005-11-18T19:44:00.000Z

Human car-crash Courtney Love's nearly ready to inflict another album on the world, and this time all of the song titles sound like user names on MySpace.

It's really not looking promising, 'cos two of her current favourites are Kings of Leon and The Duke Spirit. It's funny, you'd presume that someone who'd married Kurt Cobain might be able to spot the genuine article quite easily, wouldn't you?

If you were to throw your wet laundry into Kurt's grave right now, it'd have 'em dry in a couple of minutes.

* - Does anybody but me actually remember Courtney Love the band?

Courtney Love, the band :
Uncrushworthy sleeve. Proves nothing.

DERBY MUSIC NEWS

2005-11-18T19:19:00.000Z

Arses! I've only just realised I've got to go to the Vic tonight to see Gold Blade. I've not seen John Robb for oooh... 7 years now since my old band toured with "The 'Blade" as nobody calls them. I bet he has no idea who I am. Brilliant.

All together now, Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack Elvis! They do still do Black Elvis, don't they? It's only been seven years. God.

Anyway, it's a fiver.

DERBY MUSIC NEWS

2005-11-17T19:55:00.000Z

Go to The Mist on Normanton Road for the first time in six months like the rest of us for an intimate audience with Mascot Fight, Constanza and Biba tonight. Free Admission, as far as I can remember.

Constanza are Leigh Dawber from Mexico 86 and Chris from Mexico 86 (again, I think). Chris achieved legendary status around these parts when he once punched the singer from The Zutons. I'm not condoning violence but if, as happened to Chris, the singer from The Zutons is giving you hassle on a night out in Liverpool with your mates about YOUR BAND (he came up with The Zutons!) then the right thing to do is to punch him.

Biba are Matt and James, of which Matt also plays in Mascot Fight. Pete, formerly of Mascot Fight, is back for one night only playing in Mascot Fight. Again.

Derby's like London in that respect. It's just so big, that you never really get to know anyone...

WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST, SORT OF, LIVE TOGETHER, AS ONE? FOR A WEEKEND.

2005-11-17T19:37:00.000Z

Well I never saw that coming. ~~Donovan~~ ~~Donondra~~ Devendra Banhart is curating All Tomorrow's Parties next year. Which presumably means he'll be choosing the pictures to have framed and hung up in the chalets, cos that's what curating means to me...

Not that Dev's staying in any chalet. He's got his own teepee that he plans to pitch in an overgrown field near whichever Maplins site it's being thrown at. Not that he'll sleep, he'll spend the wee small hours roaming the rough coastal terrain with his pet Mountain Lion, Craig.

Confirmed so far are Mudhoney, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Devendra Banhart (nepotism), Ween, Sleater-Kinney, The Shins and Ruth Madoc.

Devendra can't hear you, Hi-De-Hi...

TELEVISION PERSONALITIES ON TELEVISION VIDEO.

2005-11-17T00:58:00.000Z

Some kind soul has put the recent Swedish Television Personalities documentary up on this internet. You'll need RealPlayer to view it.

It's in Swedish for the first three minutes, which is fine if you can speak Swedish. My stats tell me that that's one of you. Well, at least one of you that lives in Sweden. It's no guarantee that you speak Swedish. Skal!

Daniel Treacy seems a bit fragile in the documentary, to be honest. But it's interesting viewing, nevertheless. Providing you like the TVPs. Which I do.

YOU FEAR THE JAZZ.

2005-11-17T00:30:00.000Z

My pal Dan has started his own Jazz Transcription blog. He works out really difficult jazz solos (I presume they're classic pieces or solos or something, I know sod all about jazz) and writes them down so that you can have a crack at playing them.

I printed off and checked a couple of them, and they're precise. Then I tried holding the sheets up different ways and playing it. And it still sounded the same so it's definitely authentic jazz.

I'm going to transcribe John Cage's 4 minutes 33 seconds for him later on. As a favour, like.

A cat being strangled, earlier

DERBY MUSIC NEWS

2005-11-15T19:20:00.000Z

Quick! Run! I'm posting this up WELL late..

Bar Vida tonight is the venue for an act 'loved by Peel' - John, not Emma...

PERSIL- Fuzzy electro-pop from Amsterdam.

supported by

DEATH OF ARTISTS/ BOY NUTKO

£2 All proceeds to Ponce In The Park 2006.

I can't think of ANY jokes based around a band called Persil raising money for a festival largely attended by the great unwashed.

Next week at Vida: Crack Cops supported by Tramp Repeller.

NO! REALLY! I PREFER IT TO THE GOOD VERSION.

2005-11-14T21:18:00.000Z

Bob Dylan's been knocking about in his loft and underneath the picture of Woody Guthrie where his appearance ages and becomes more vicious looking he's unearthed some old recordings that before now were so inconsequential to him, he didn't even know where they were.

Fools, completists and completist fools can download them as of today (November 14th). One of the songs on offer is a live recording of Mr Tambourine Man. Without the Byrds on it. So... for the same effect nip down the main street of where you live with a recordable minidisc player. Stop at the busker. Press record. Leave recording device in pocket of thick coat.

SOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES

2005-11-14T21:03:00.000Z

New York City's very own Television Personalities fanatics The Baskervilles have put their first video up on the intervest for your viewing pleasure. Go see, and be surprised that the band actually appear to be having fun in it, as opposed to walking moodily down the street/beach in the rain and looking mortally upset about something unspecified. The neck of these people, honestly. Enjoying their time in a band? What *are* they thinking?

The Baskervilles : Stop that.

NO NEWS DAY.

2005-11-13T18:43:00.000Z

Things are seriously slow. Bono's done nothing worth mocking, Pete Doherty's not been up to any of his cheeky pranks and there's no news on The Arctic Monkeys' chart position.

But you all downloaded the Plans and Apologies free album thingy the other day, didn't you? Didn't you?

Now read the story of how it came to be...

P&A : Cool as Ice Cream.

YOU'VE GOT TO KNOCK THREE TIMES IF YOU WANT TO SEE A SECRET GIG...

2005-11-13T18:15:00.000Z

Short of providing a car to get me to the venue these secret gigs by The Strokes couldn't be any less of a secret could they?

Who thinks this crap up? Well, obviously, their publicist thinks this crap up - what I mean is WHY do they think this crap up? Does the average Strokes fan really think 'I'm not going to see them on the next tour, unless of course the band pretend they don't want me to be there'? Do they?

Feel suitably appalled that The Strokes PAY people to have these ideas.

THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS GIFT FOR THE TEUTONIC SHOWROOM DUMMY IN YOUR LIFE.

2005-11-12T20:34:00.000Z

That's the longest title I've ever used. Naturally, I'm fairly proud.

Kraftwerk. Live DVD. Box Set. December 6th. Here. Boom Tschak.

Kraftwerk

PORTIONS FOR RABBITS

2005-11-12T20:01:00.000Z

Jenny Lewis from out of Rilo Kiley is releasing her first solo album 'Rabbit Fur Coat' in January next year.

And like all frontpersons branching out and making a go of it on her own she's even denying that this means that Rilo Kiley are splitting up. Although, in this instance, I really don't think they're splitting up.

"Rilo Kiley are not splitting up", Lewis will have said to someone at some point when they raised the subject.

The eagle-eyed amongst you will have noticed if you've clicked on that link, that you can take the opportunity to watch Rilo Kiley's 'Portions for Foxes' video from that page. Which is always worth doing. And a Death Cab for Cutie one, and a Bright Eyes one. Less so.

Rilo Kiley : Bloke, Jenny Lewis in her undercrackers,
Bloke, Bloke.

SERVERS IN RUSSIA.

2005-11-10T20:36:00.000Z

I've just added the Domino Rally MP3 Blog to my links. The work of the Johnny Domino gentlemen, it hosts all manner of what in the trade is known as 'stuff' in MP3 format.

Well worth clicking on and having a nosey as Steve Domino is a veritable fountain. Not of pop music or knowledge or anything, just a veritable fountain. Even if me and him don't exactly see eye-to-eye on transistor versus valve guitar amplifier policy.

FINGER ON THE... WAIT, THERE'S NO PULSE!

2005-11-10T20:06:00.000Z

Not to be outdone by Rupert Murdoch and Universal, Warner Music is blazing a trail and launching an 'e-Label' *stifles laughter*.

So, as an aspiring artist, instead of promoting your own work on the world wide superhighway and reaping all of the rewards, you could put your trust in the hands of a lumbering entertainments giant and receive approximately one-tenth of what you would have got otherwise. After they've fiddled the books, that is.

You might want to sign over your publishing and merchandising rights too. And cut them in for a generous percentage of your live revenue. Don't forget to register your name in their name. It makes sense, cos in return they'll.

DO 'YOU FALL'!*

2005-11-10T01:52:00.000Z

Nutcase pop monkeys Plans and Apologies have only gone and put their entire first album 'Torn out Pages from the Middle Agez' in a dinky little zip file and whacked it online for you to download for nothing.

Obviously, technically this means that you can burn yourself a copy to CD without the first three songs distorting like they did on the album proper (Robbie? Miikhul? Anything? Confessions, anyone?).

You should take them up on this offer, as it's such a pearler of an album. Though they all but disown it now, weirdly. Contrary bastids.

Like they say, if you do nab it and find it enjoyable buy them a nice present or something. They like novelty pencil cases and Norwegian pornography.

Plans and Apologies : When they were little,
and indeed, recording 'Torn out Pages...'

* - I shout this at EVERY P&A gig I attend. Dave P&A really, really laughs.

I <3 RETROGRESSION

2005-11-09T22:48:00.000Z

Normally the words 'Frank Black announces...' result in me breaking out in a cold sweat and reading no further, but just this once I faced my fears head on to discover that he's amongst those contributing to an album of classic songs from 'classic' teen movies.

In a less than curious quirk of fate there's someone else on there covering 'Wave of Mutilation' by his old new band.

Perhaps more worth looking forward to is John Strohm (from out of the Blake Babies) doing a version of 'Somebody's Baby' by Jackson Browne. Which of course grants me the opportunity to post a picture of The Blake Babies.

Blake Babies : Left - Juliana Hatfield, never had her t--t feeled*.

* - That's right. With a drummer called Freda Boner, I go for a joke about Juliana Hatfield's surname.

THAT WAS SUCH A JAMES THING TO DO.

2005-11-09T21:57:00.000Z

Just when I thought this was the slowest week for music since cavemen were going around beating stretched animal hides with those clubs that all cavemen have in cartoons your whole world gets thrown on it's head and FMB reform.

FMB* were one of the subjects of what was perhaps the first reality TV music programme 'Next Big Thing'. As it turned out, they were entirely laughable and a resounding failure. Of course, nowadays reality telly programme makers have honed the formula to a fine art.

I actually saw FMB at The Wherehouse in Derby solely on the grounds that I had to go to see what their gigs were like. If they do tour again, I'm going to see them then as well. For precisely the same reasons.

I can't help but feeling, though, that someone ought to take Roger Griffiths to one side and point out that as a musician that's come into money it's his duty to actually leave his band and tell them what he really thinks of them. He's the first one in history to reform his old outfit.

The Fraggle revival starts here.

* - Debate failed to rage across the country at the time as to whether FMB stood for Fuck My Boots or Fucking Monkey Bollocks. We may yet find out. Smashing.

THAT'S THE SALAD DAYS OVER THEN...

2005-11-08T21:57:00.000Z

The RIAA have finally managed to shut down and claim hefty damages from file-sharing network Grokster. Millions of musicians worldwide are eagerly anticipating a hefty payout of the damages being claimed in their name as I type. Oh, hang on...

And without wishing to put ideas into the RIAA's collective heads - why aren't they going after P2P networks and torrent services that people actually use? It's almost as if they have absolutely no fucking idea what they're doing, but I'm sure that can't be the case.

I imagine that the file-sharers have probably all sold their computers and are going to take a couple of months to think about the errors of their ways in the wake of this ruling. I suppose there's an outside chance that someone might just invent a new one and everything will carry on like it did before. Only faster.

It seems unlikely though.

The RIAA office : A celebratory mood tonight.

DERBY MUSIC NEWS

2005-11-08T21:35:00.000Z

THREE! COUNT THEM! THREE new albums were released by Derby's own aggro noisemonkey label Fight Me yesterday (November 7th). They're in Reveal Records in Derby and HMV shops around the country, I reckons.

they are:

You Judas 'Discover Mutiny' (fightme002)
The Swarm 'Red Paint on the Odessa Steps' (fightme003)
Fixit Kid 'The Easy Way Out' (fightme004)

all the above are listed in order of artist/title. It's so hard to know for sure in these days of stupid emo band names, don't you think?

Anyways, rush out and ask for them by name. Or catalogue number.

IF YOU GOT A GOOD ANGLE YOU COULD DO IT WITH ONE BULLET.

2005-11-08T21:23:00.000Z

The bloke from The Killers has sang a song
on stage with the bloke from U2 and the other three blokes from U2.

It was a U2 song and although not one of the famous ones the bloke from The Killers really likes it cos it's his favourite song ever assembled under demographically approved factory conditions by the blokes from U2.

Later on the bird from Mary J Blige got onstage with the blokes from U2 and they played 'One' by U2.

THEN - U2's Tour Manager got onstage and they sort of sang happy birthday to him by performing 'All Because of You' by U2.

After that, the entire audience were rushed to hospital suffering from prolonged exposure to lack of shame.

BLIMEY! X HAVE REFORMED!

2005-11-05T15:45:00.000Z

Pitchfork report that seminal/legendary/didn't sell too many* at the time LA Punks X have reformed.

Now, I won't go and see them if they do bother to come and play anywhere near me as, y'know - they've reformed, but it's still surprising. I wouldn't have thought the demand was all that huge.

Their first gig is in California, tonight on bonfire night. The rest follow next month.

A handy hint if you're a would-be murderer - bonfire night really is your night to go out there and shoot your victim(s). No-one will bat an earlid.

* - delete according to viewpoint.

CAN YOU FEEL THE MIKE LOVE?

2005-11-05T15:23:00.000Z

Eager to preserve his long-standing reputation as easily the most loathsome Beach Boy, Mike Love is suing Brian Wilson over being-all-pissy-cos-the-Smile-album-was-barely-anything-to-do-with-him or something.

What's astonishing is that Mike Love owns the rights to the name The Beach Boys. I think we're all agreed that when you think of the man behind their pop genius, Mike Love immediately springs to mind, doesn't he?

There's little I can do about it but be quietly apalled, put this picture up:

Mike Love : Instant Twatter.

and use the moment to remind everyone of how Dennis Wilson used to infuriate Love deliberately by taking pretty much any woman who would let him, and having sex in Love's hippy-dippy 'meditation room' that he insisted on having at the Beach Boys' recording studio. Dennis rocked.

A NIGHT IN WITH A ROUGH OLD DOG.

2005-11-04T18:00:00.000Z

Seeing as everything that Rough Trade Records touches turns to cold, hard cash and accolades* at the minute, you might want to beat your friends out of the starting blocks and hear new signings Dr. Dog.

I can't quite place them soundwise, which is a good thing, but they sound like they've heard a load of the records I've really liked ever, which is a good thing.

* - I preferred them when they went out of business that time.

SHEFFIELD : SEXY CITY

2005-11-04T17:44:00.000Z

Three-dayer (not however, a three-day 'Sex Festival' (c) Lynne) there in Sheffield as of tonight.

Zombina and the Skeletones have been replaced by Piney Gir (from The Schla La Las, who headline on the Saturday). It's too late a change for me to make it, and tomorrow I'm celebrating Bonfire night by setting off fireworks for the amusement of my nephew, as a good uncle should. You should go, though.

On the Saturday night Derby is represented by Lardpony, who's had quite an indie-pop week, all told. He's even ill. That's dedication to your sub-genre.

Piney Gir : All fit, like.

GET THEM WHILE THEY'RE STILL GOOD.

2005-11-03T16:44:00.000Z

It's harrowing news that The Arcade Fire are set to support U2 and suffer the fate of so many before them of being Soiled by the Hand of Bono.

So remember them as they are now, with the video to forthcoming (7" vinyl only) single 'Wake Up'

and...

this live footage of them performing 'Power Out'.

Bono : He really is a caution.

THE MIGHTY BOOSH TOURS!

2005-11-03T13:46:00.000Z

What do you mean The Mighty Boosh isn't about music? You've never seen the Electro episode. Or the one with the Goths. Or the one where the polar bear ends up singing 'Are Friends Electric?'. Of course it's about music.

And it's very probably coming to a venue near you, as well. Vince and Howard set out on a 41-date UK tour. Magical.

Wednesday 1/2/06 York Grand Opera House
Thursday 2/2/06 Derby Assembly Rooms
Friday 3/2/06 Wimbledon New Wimbledon
Saturday 4/2/06 Reading Hexagon

Wednesday 8/2/06 Catford Broadway Theatre
Thursday 9/2/06 Southampton Guildhall
Friday 10/2/06 Weston Playhouse
Saturday 11/2/06 Brighton Dome
Sunday 12/2/06 Coventry Warwick Arts Centre

Tuesday 14/2/06 Leicester De Montfort Hall
Wednesday 15/2/06 Northampton Deco
Thursday 16/2/06 Basingstoke Anvil
Friday 17/2/06 Birmingham Alexandra
Saturday 18/2/06 Oxford New Theatre

Tuesday 21/2/06 Peterborough Broadway Theatre
Wednesday 22/2/06 Sheffield City Hall
Thursday 23/2/06 Bradford St George's
Friday 24/2/06 Leeds City Varieties
Saturday 25/2/06 Leeds City Varieties
Sunday 26/2/06 Liverpool Royal Court

Tuesday 28/2/06 Tunbridge Wells Assembly Hall
Wednesday 1/3/06 Bournemouth Pavilion
Thursday 2/3/06 St Albans Alban Arena
Friday 3/3/06 Nottingham Playhouse
Saturday 4/3/06 Glasgow Pavilion

Monday 6/3/06 Buxton Opera House
Tuesday 7/3/06 Warrington Parr Hall
Wednesday 8/3/06 Aberystwyth Arts Centre
Thursday 9/3/06 WolverhamptonWulfren
Friday 10/3/06 Manchester Lowry
Saturday 11/3/06 Manchester Lowry
Sunday 12/3/06 Bristol Hippodrome

Thursday 16/3/06 Newcastle Tyne Theatre
Friday 17/3/06 Blackburn King George's Hall
Saturday 18/3/06 Cardiff St David's Hall
Sunday 19/3/06 Swansea Grand Theatre
Monday 21/3/06 Cheltenham Everyman
Tuesday 22/3/06 Stoke Victoria Hall

Friday 24/3/06 Plymouth Pavilion
Saturday 25/3/06 Barnstaple Queens Theatre
Sunday 26/3/06 Dartford Orchard

They're even playing Derby. Most considerate.

THE DEVIL AND THE DEEP BLUE DEVIL.

2005-11-03T13:23:00.000Z

Possibly taking their cue from every unsigned band in the world hosting their MP3s on Rupert Murdoch's MySpace service, MySpace themselves are launching a record label. In conjunction with Universal Music Group it's already lining up nicely for a fight to the death to claim once and for all the crown of 'Dark Lord of all Evilness'.

Whether it's a good or a bad thing remains to be seen, but this I do know - it's a bad thing.

I can't yet confirm whether in the same way that all early Creation Records had artwork like this...

...the MySpace label will do what comes naturally to MySpace and have every cover look like...

THIS SHOULDN'T HAPPEN BY ACCIDENT! WE HAVE TO GET ORGANISED!

2005-11-01T16:20:00.000Z

The Metro newspaper reports what is, by anyone's reckoning, a potentially brilliant idea:

Going down a storm

IT'S NOT OFTEN that a band brings the house down. But one group did just that at the weekend.

Minutes after rock group Cord took to the stage at a gig, the ceiling collapsed and fell in on them.

The concert, at the Cooperage, in Plymouth, had to be cancelled as piles of polystyrene tiles and foam insulation covered the group.

One unnamed fan said: 'They started playing and everything seemed fine. It happened in seconds.

All this stuff came down and the drummer was hit. People were amazed. You'd just never expect it to happen.'

Management at the Cooperage said a wire holding up a soundproofing inner roof had snapped, causing the ceiling to cave in.

'The ceiling is suspended throughout this particular room in the venue; it's extremely lightweight,' they said. Firefighters were called in as a precaution.

I don't think we can leave this in the hands of some kind of higher-power-with-impeccable-taste (you can't argue, it even went for the drummer). It ought to be compulsory that every venue in the country should install a collapsing ceiling right above the stage. I shall also require a universal key to power the mechanism of all of them, thankyou very much. Then we'll see which bands REALLY want it.

For the rest of the week you'll find me seeing what I can rig up on the first floor of The Victoria Inn. Mind you, I'm still waiting clearance to be helicoptered in under cover of darkness.

THAT'S B-E-A-R.

2005-11-01T15:59:00.000Z

Tonight's recommendation, with no real competition, is the ~~Bearshi~~ Bearsuit gig at Susumi, The Wardwick, Derby. They're far and away Norwich's finest twee export, dontchaknow?

Local support comes from Lardpony and Dragonflies Draw Flame who are both well worth turning up early to see.

The Liverpudlian (not local, so naturally they don't really count...) support is Voo who sound like they haven't finished writing their name yet.

£5, Ponce in the Park Festival 2006 blah-de-blah-de-blah.

Bearsuit : Never knowingly pictured in
any woods.

ROCK STARS... IS THERE ANYTHING THEY DON'T KNOW?

2005-10-31T16:36:00.000Z

Simpsons creator Matt Groening is behind a new All Tomorrow's Parties compilation. Titled All Tommorow's Parties : Pacific 2003, it ties-in with the year that he curated the US leg of the festival itself. The two-year delay has presumably been spent drawing the accompanying promotional videos.

It's probably worth getting for Funhouse by The Stooges and Sonic Youth's version of The Simpsons theme tune, I reckon.

DERBY WHITE BEDSHEET WITH EYEHOLES CUT OUT AND GOING "WHOOOOO!" NEWS.

2005-10-31T10:33:00.000Z

There's that rarest of things tonight, a Halloween party that's being thrown on October 31st. It's at First Floor, Babington Lane, Derby and the impressive line-up is as follows:

Winnebago Deal
Ape of Death
Chris Martin (disclaimer here...)
Cousin Scampi
The Death of Artists

It says that fancy dress is essential, but I think they're just bluffing like everyone else. All proceeds go to help fund Ponce in the Park Festival 2006 and it costs £5. Though if your get-up's really good you'll probably just pass silently through the walls.

Winnebago Deal : Imagine this with a load of flour on it's face.

WORLD NORMAL AGAIN.

2005-10-31T10:16:00.000Z

The Arctic Monkeys are no longer at the top of the pop charts. Westlife are. I'm assuming it was some kind of glitch in our reality.

Although, it's still not completely behaving 'cos The Monkeys have only dropped to number two. In the normal world the week after any NME sanctioned guitar abusers somehow make the top ten they plummet to number 37 or thereabouts. I'll let you know when it's safe to venture out again.

And how much does that Westlife single sound exactly like 'Wind Beneath my Wings'?

DERBY MUSIC NEWS

2005-10-30T18:27:00.000Z

Tonight the Victoria Inn is hosting a pre-emptive Halloween party (well, it makes a change from last night like everybody else) before the other Halloween party they're having tomorrow night. On Halloween.

Musical entertainment comes in the form of Adam Bomb, Escobar and Ejector Seat. Admission is £5. Entry by secret knock and correct password when the eyes peer out at you from the little shutter thing. No clipboards.

YOU KNOW! THE ONE WITH THE TRUMPETS!

2005-10-29T17:30:00.000Z

Though it's conspicuously absent from either the Bzangy or White Town websites, Jyoti Mishra is making his first live appearance in about a hundred years this evening.

If you want to attend, you're really going to have to rush, cos it's in Gothenburg (that's in Sweden!) at Cosy Den. You'll be needing transport to Stansted Airport and two wings and a prayer to get a cheap Ryanair flight at this time.

Going with him are Bigg Rich from Mascot Fight/You Slut! (guitars and drooling) and Robbie from Plans and Apologies (sound and rubbing lustily against unsuspecting Scandanavians).

Of course, both are there in a purely professional capacity, and the fact that Robbie pointed me in the direction of these photos on the Cosy Den website three weeks ago is mere coincidence.

Cosy 'Dirty' Den : Run, Scandoes, Run!

DERBY MUSIC NEWS

2005-10-28T10:08:00.000Z

There are old punks, new punks and some other punks down at The Victoria Inn tonight (not sure entry is possible through the front doors anymore due to the human chain that surrounds the building day and night. Take your own trampette, vault the protestors and gain entrance by smashing through one of the upstairs windows. Pass Micky's office and it's downstairs and back through the bar).

In order to see:

The Vibrators (Old Punks!)
The Atoms (New Punks!)
and Verbal Warning (Punks of Indeterminate Age!)*

£5 admission. Punk's not dead and punk's not FREE, either.

* - not actual running order, The Atoms are on first, but I couldn't really work with it that way around.

OH DEAR, OH DEAR, OH DEERHOOF.

2005-10-28T09:45:00.000Z

In light of the fact that the below thing down there below (see below) concerns a matter from 40 years ago, I felt the need to redress the balance and offer you up something shiny, new and modern. Couldn't find anything shiny, so have a look at the modern and new video for 'Wrong Time Capsule' by Deerhoof.

Somewhere between The Beatles animated work and Monty Python Show titles, it's making some kind of point about American currency, finance or capitalism, but I really can't work out what it is. Can you?

It's pretty good, though.

WHO KILLED CHRISTOPHER ROBIN?

2005-10-28T08:44:00.000Z

I remember there being talk of a film about the life of Rolling Stones founder Brian Jones well over a decade ago. So either this isn't the same movie, or that's one fastidious director that's been working on Stoned : The Wild and Wicked World of Brian Jones. Presumably released to commemorate the 36th anniversary of his passing the film is in Cinemas on November 18th. Closest one to me? Nottingham. Thanks for that.

Being of the unfortunate disposition whereby I know everything there is to know about Brian Jones*, I've had to spend the last hour looking at the trailer and all of the clips on the (horrifically overdone) website in order to find inaccuracies in the thing. There are a few I spotted, so obviously I'm feeling all smug and clever now.

Judging by the trailer, it's got a Doors-movie-gone-Britflick feel to it. So Britflick in fact that even Paddy Considine is in it, which all means I'll probably come away disappointed. Those of you who haven't wasted your time reading numerous lengthy tomes about the subject matter may enjoy it, however.

David Walliams plays a character called 'Speccy'. For once he's wearing male clothing and at no point in the trailer did he exclaim "ooh-oooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, but I'm a LAWYER!"

Inexplicably, the film features music from Alabama 3, briefly famous for 'Ain't Goin' to Goa'. Because no character in the history of music says comedy countrified preacherman hip-hop MORE than Brian Jones, do they?

* - except, obviously, who was holding his head down in the swimming pool at A.A.Milne's old house in 1969.

HALLELUJAH!

2005-10-27T14:27:00.000Z

Finally Rufus Wainwright has done something new for me to blather on about!

He's releasing the albums 'Want One' and 'Want Two' as a double CD pack on November 28th and he's sticking some extra stuff on there too.

It might have somthing to do with these tour dates that coincide:

London Hammersmith Apollo (November 29)
Brighton Dome (30)
Manchester Apollo (December 2)
Sheffield City Hall (3)
Bristol Colston Hall (5)
Birmingham Symphony Hall (6)
Newcastle Sage (7)
Norwich UEA (8)
Glasgow Clyde Auditorium (10)
Preston Guildhall (11)

For tickets, go on eBay and pay about three or four times their face value. Good luck!

Rufus Wainwright : I would, and

I'm not even in the gays. He is tho'.

Cheer up, the gays!

LONDON WOMEN'S THINGS

2005-10-27T08:43:00.000Z

Due to further, albeit imagined, pressure from that Holly Johnson (not THAT Holly Johnson) I'm forced to write about the You're So Old Street night a day early.

In conjunction with Must Destroy Music they're holding a Halloween party (early, just like everyone else this year. If any of my friends are reading this I *am* available to 'remember, remember, the 3rd of November' next week) on Friday 28th October.

Print : Flyer

Do dress up 'cos Gail, Holly and Sarah (the YSOS types) are all very excited about the costumes. I've been banned from going in my traditional minimalist Halloween attire. Sadly, my other idea of wearing Army fatigues and a balaclava isn't all that advisable in the centre of London while the cops are still a bit shooty.